In a rare and exclusive press conference yesterday, a representative of the cosmos revealed an answer to a one of life’s most fundamental yet elusive questions: why are we here?
“The short answer: KUWTK,” the representative disclosed. “The long answer, well that would take a few billion years. But yes, Kourtney, Kim, Khloé, Kris, Kylie, Kendall, and I guess even Rob – this is why everything is here, why you and I are here.”
This revelation, coming on the heels of KUWTK’s 15th season, is no surprise to the show’s producers.
“We have over 2 million viewers,” Mr. Seacrest said proudly. “And if poor people had TVs, it would be a lot more, which is why we are announcing our new spin-off series, Kourtney and Kim Take the Third World! After the smashing success of spin-offs like Kourtney and Kim Take New York and Kourtney and Khloe take Miami, we know that their brand and style and, of course, relatability will resonate with countries like Sudan, Haiti, Yemen, and Myanmar.”
Workers from Kardashian Inc. have already begun to set up boutiques in each of these countries in preparations for the show, which has caused no small stir among the Kardashian clan.
“We’re giving purpose to poor people!” Kim exclaimed after hearing the news. “And I heard from one of my friend’s audio books that purpose is more important than anything, even sex and selfies, so this is like amazing!”
Though this announcement has not come without its share of critics, there have been some religious leaders who have shown sympathy and even outright acceptance of the news.
Joel Osteen, pastor of Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas, immediately expressed his support, saying, “These kids are bringing happiness to people – and as you may recall from John 3:16, God so loved the world to give us His happiness.”
You can katch up and keep up with your purpose every week at Eonline.
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