Tag: Trump

America is all like ‘Er mah Gerd’ and Trump is all like ‘Troll-lol-lol’, According to Informed Youth
15May By jeff25 Comments
Politics

America is all like ‘Er mah Gerd’ and Trump is all like ‘Troll-lol-lol’, According to Informed Youth

Amanda Flerd, a 12 year old middle school student from Richmond, Virginia, recently gave a current events speech to her class, informing them of the latest political tensions in America while offering lucid analysis on its current state of affairs. The presentation was well-received by the class, who claimed they learned more in those two minutes than they had all year. "OMG guys, this almost gave me GHERSBERMPS!  So Trump totally trolled this FBI dude, Clowny, for trying to probe a Russian or something cuz YOLO.  Lulz.  And now America is all like 'ERMAHGERD!' about Trump but Trump is all like 'Troll-lol-lol' America cuz YOPO (you're only president once).  And THEN--get this--G Dubs and Laura were in town cuz, according to the media, this dude Spicer was trying to avoid everyone by ...
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Yuge Sinkhole Detected in D.C.
6Apr By jeff19 Comments
Politics

Yuge Sinkhole Detected in D.C.

Trump's mouth possible ground zero An all-points emergency bulletin has been issued by the Federal Emergency Management Agency, calling on all Washington D.C. area response teams to convene with urgency on 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Apparently, a yuge sinkhole has been detected in or around the White House residence. "We're closely monitoring the situation," said DC Fire and EMS Chief Gregory Dean.  "Not only that, but we're working in tandem with other departments to salvage whomever and whatever we can." According to FEMA, this is without doubt, one of the worst disasters in our nation's history. "Not only is it one of the worst (and we've had some bad ones)," reported acting director of FEMA, Robert Fenton Jr.  "it has become so in record time.  This is right up there with 2001, '69, a...
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Trump Sets Personal Reading Record during Speech
3Mar By jeff11 Comments
Politics

Trump Sets Personal Reading Record during Speech

This week, during his speech to Congress, President Trump set a personal best for consecutive number of words read in one sitting. And just so the Times couldn't refute it, his speech (read from a teleprompter) was recorded for the world, for posterity, and for Trump--to watch and re-watch in between tweeting sessions with Congress. In addition to the reading record, he also set a record for number of near-presidential things to come from his mouth. "Trump is on fire," tweeted one supporter.  "This just proves that he is not the fashist dictator that the fake media says he is." "They just got Trumped!" read another tweet.  "Look at him all knowlegable and stuffs!" In honor of World Reading Day, the organization has noted the president's accomplishment on their website, outdo...
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Are You There Kim Jong Un? It’s Me, Donald
27Feb By Mike Chase34 Comments
Dictators, Politics

Are You There Kim Jong Un? It’s Me, Donald

"Dear Kim.  Can I call you Kim?  It's a girl's name.  Can I still call you that?  I'd like to call you that. My people have a problem.  Great people.  But people with problems.  The problem?  Fake News. CNN?  Garbage.  Fox News?  More like low calorie salad dressing.  The New York Times?  Quilt it, scent it, and make it double-ply... I still wouldn't use it as toilet paper. Breitbart?  Good people.  Good, good people.  I wanted to make Breitbart our exclusive news agency.  It'd just be me and some guy in a room.  He'd ask me questions about my golf handicap and my favorite color, and then we'd write the stories together.  I love cooperating with the press. But my people balked at that.  My own people.  I ask for loyalty and all I get is "no."  N-O. So I need a solution.  And...
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