satire – Page 6 – Iron E-News

Exclusive: Taylor Swift almost Added one more “Ever” to “Back Together” Chorus

8Jul

By jeff15 Comments

ENTMT

Exclusive: Taylor Swift almost Added one more “Ever” to “Back Together” Chorus

Pop star and current self-revisionist, Taylor Swift, held an exclusive interview with Iron E! reporter, Ima Noyeen, at her apartment in New York (Swift's, not Ima's) and we're here to give you the inside scoop. Apparently, back in 2011, when she collaborated with Max Martin and Shellback on her hit song, "We are Never Getting Back Together", the lyrics weren't as easy to write as people once thought. "We went back and forth--when all three of us were writing this very personal song about my relationship Jake--and they were like, 'How do you feel about him?' and I was like, 'We are never getting back together' and they were like, 'That's gold--I mean, that's good'..." Ima, sensing there was more to the story, asked Taylor if there was more to the story. "Then, in the middle of everythin...

Area Control Freak Reports OCD Under Control

7Jul

By jeff12 Comments

Local Man

Area Control Freak Reports OCD Under Control

World-wide self-acclaimed blogger and self-published publisher/editor/writer/artist, Mark Krotzchety (pronounced “Krotzchety”), wants you to know that he’s finally got his nagging compulsions under control. Apparently, he’s organized everything into a master calendar. “That’s right,” Mark said. “No more spontaneous multiple hand-washings or spur-of-the-moment quadruple checking of appliances–if I’m gonna flip the light on and off ten times, it’s going in the planner.” “Unbelievable. Why didn’t I think of this before? If I wanna plan out my day, I plan that in advance. And if I want to plan out the pre-plan a bit? You got it–right in the planner. Oh, and any off-the-cuff planning parties? Just penciled in informally (any day between Tuesday and Thursday). I’m a whole person again!”...

Women Losing Interest in Equality with Men

5Jul

By jeff21 Comments

Politics, Society

Women Losing Interest in Equality with Men

Self-respecting women all over the globe are giving up their struggle for equality with men, and are now fighting for something - anything - else. It seems that the newest addition to the Oval Office is the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. "We're okay with inequality now," said Republican Senator from Maine, Susan Collins, while watching a recent presidential address. "No, really, we don't mind. It's time we raise our standard anyway." Former first lady Barbara Bush had a similar, almost visceral, reaction: "If equality means being considered equivalent to that (holding up a picture of Trump) then we don't want it." "I agree," commented the former governor of New Jersey, Christine Todd Whitman. "Equality is now an offensive term - from a mathematical point of view, we...

American Youth Locked in a Room and Forced to Read

2Jul

By jeff18 Comments

U.S.

American Youth Locked in a Room and Forced to Read

A young boy from a town as normal as the next, recounts a scene so horrific that it just might make you pee your pants. He is like any other kid his age. You might even call him “the kid next door.” His neighbors do. He plays on his Wii and Xbox most days and, when he’s not doing that, he’s looking at memes on 9Gag in between his favorite TV shows and YouTube videos. But, according to Daryl (not his real name), on June 20, 2017 something so terrible happened it almost shouldn’t be told (in fact, it almost wasn’t because his account consisted of so many “Oh my GERDs” and “Trollolols” we had no idea what he was saying, until we got his English teacher to translate). “It’s still so hard to talk about,” Daryl recounted slowly as he rocked back and forth in his chair, the dim light ...

1Jul

By jeff27 Comments

Society

Grammarian no Logger Givs a Fying Fluck

After seatting down one day four a leasurly reed of of his favurit fillosofer, Camoo, redired engrish pufesor Graham Hurnozty had a crishis of egzistenchal portions; He know logger gayve a fying fluck. The wrds and comas and pereods and such - at won time in purfect boxes lining the shhelvs of hi smind - now excaped like wild monkees frum the zu "Nufing reelly maders enymoor" Graham said despondently in a sing songy voyce. "Enyone can c. Nufing reelly maders....to meeeeeeee,, Wee wached this wonce starwalt of a mahn, a pillur of pryed and intelect, who's rulles were his glorey, becum a shelll ov his former sellf, Pityfull. Boken. Four waht wee widnessed. ANd four dis pour wretch of a sole - unhindjed and adrifft in a see of dispare - we aufer dis: l(a le af f...

25Jun

By jeff25 Comments

Local Man

Local Introvert Mistaken for Asshole

Area anti-socialite, Phil Koff, was wandering down the aisle of his local grocery store--minding his own quiet business--when he spotted a first-time acquaintance, Cher Tumuch, approaching ominously from the other direction. Though Mr. Koff did his best to hide his entire body behind a bevy of pineapples, Ms. Tumuch had already seen him. It was his next action that was sadly misinterpreted for plain assholery. "To me and my fellow introverts," Phil offered candidly, "turning and walking brusquely the other way as if I had just felt the onset of diarrhea was a very normal thing to do. We (Cher and I) had literally just met the other day. It wasn't even as if she were a long time acquaintance or one of my wife's innumerable friends." "I know he saw me!" Ms. Tumuch said at a higher vol...