Tag: satire

Mitt Romney Adopts Overseas Money–Emotional Reunion at Airport
12Aug By jeff24 Comments
Politics

Mitt Romney Adopts Overseas Money–Emotional Reunion at Airport

BOSTON--It was quite the Hallmark moment for the Romney clan today as the former governor stood next to his campaign bus at the Logan International Airport, anxiously awaiting the arrival of his newly adopted sons. And as his "precious cargo" emerged from the plane intact, he almost couldn't restrain himself. "I'm a dad again!" the proud governor exclaimed jubilantly.  "And again.  And again.  I never thought this day would come but here it is--and here they are!" According to both the government and the Guinness Book of World Records, this is the first time anyone's family has outgrown most countries. "The little guys are still sleeping," whispered the presidential hopeful as he patted their briefcase-like strollers.  "Oh look!  Some Ben's are up.  And a few thousand Grants to...
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Mount Olympus now Mount Samsung in Honor of London 2012
20Jul By jeff2 Comments
Sports

Mount Olympus now Mount Samsung in Honor of London 2012

LONDON--The International Olympic Committee announced its plans yesterday to change the name of the historic site of the gods, previously known as Mount Olympus, to Mount Samsung in honor of the upcoming Olympic Games. Other famous names that have come under scrutiny are Nike (the Winged Victory statue will now be called Adidas) and God (who can now only be referred to as The Alpha because of Omega watches). According to the Olympic governing body, the decision was made in the interests of protecting everyone's interests: the games, their partners, and of course, the fans. They also agreed that Samsung, being an official sponsor of the 2012 Olympiad, deserved a reward that would parallel its prodigious generosity and support. "We felt that this decision reflects the overall val...
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Stephen Hawking Heralded as the New Ray Bradbury
10Jul By jeff11 Comments
Sci-Tech

Stephen Hawking Heralded as the New Ray Bradbury

Following the passing of beloved sci-fi writer Ray Bradbury, the genius behind such great works as Fahrenheit 451 and The Martian Chronicles, many feared there would remain a great void in the fictional universe impossible to fill. But with the release of his latest book, The Grand Design, it seems eminent physicist Stephen Hawking is doing his best to fill those inimitable, red-dusted shoes. Like his predecessor before him, Hawking does a brilliant job of creating worlds with infinite possibilities—free from the restrictive laws of physics—born out of pure imagination. "Mr. Hawking is quite the enigma," reported the New York Times. "We all knew he was a great scientist, but who knew he could create such great science fiction?" Departing from conclusions and insights built on s...
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Millions of Americans become Nader-haters because it’s Fun to Say
22May By jeff16 Comments
Politics

Millions of Americans become Nader-haters because it’s Fun to Say

Americans all across the contiguous United States have recently jumped on the latest virtual bandwagon: hating presidential candidate Ralph Nader, simply because “hater” rhymes with “Nader”. Iron E-News talked with random people from different states and we were amazed at some of the responses. Bonnie-Luke from Washington said that she had never even heard of Ralph Nader and, beyond that, never dreamed of calling herself a political person, but when she came across the phrase “Nader-Hater” on the worldwide interwebs, she knew she had to align herself with that hilarious tidbit. Terry from California said she was ALOL (almost laughing out loud) when she saw the phrase, and since she hated all politicians anyway, she said it just felt right to hate Nader too. Paul from North Caro...
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Satire Accuses the Real World of Plagiarism
1May By jeff18 Comments
World

Satire Accuses the Real World of Plagiarism

EARTH—The third planet from the sun is in serious trouble again and this time it’s not global warming. One week ago, representatives from the law offices of Irony, Mockery, Wit, and Fred notified the blue and green satellite that their client, Mrs. Satire, was officially taking it to court (location still being decided) on charges of plagiarism, intellectual property theft, and conspiracy. Because of our vast connections, Iron E-News was able to obtain an abbreviated list of some of the evidence being presented in the case. We offer it to you for free: The same people that told us it was going to happen in the 1st century, in 1792, in 1988, in 1989, and then (everyone’s personal favorite) in Y2K, are now saying the world will officially end in the year 2012. *Both Hollywood and Ea...
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Ron Paul ‘Slow and Steady’ Strategy has Him Almost Definitely Winning in 2040
15Feb By jeff16 Comments
Politics

Ron Paul ‘Slow and Steady’ Strategy has Him Almost Definitely Winning in 2040

Ron Paul may not seem the most obvious candidate to some but, according to the libertarian’s inner circle, Paul’s strategy for obtaining the White House sometime in the next century is nothing less than golden. The longtime congressman, though lagging behind his conservative counterparts in the Republican primary, sees himself as more of the tortoise than the hare in this race. “Sure, you can use that analogy,” said one of his aides in response to our comment.  “Or you can look at it like this: Ron Paul is like a cube of vegetable bullion in hot water.  It may take a while to kick in, but once it does–oh sweet victory!” Dr. Paul has been a permanent fixture in modern politics since the 1970′s and has intermittently run for the nation’s highest office since the 80′s.  His strong st...
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