Tag: satire news

Amazing Race to Release ‘Sad Sack Race’ for the Rest of Us
19Apr By jeff14 Comments
ENTMT

Amazing Race to Release ‘Sad Sack Race’ for the Rest of Us

A new season of Amazing Race is here, and the world once again is able to live vicariously through beautiful, (mostly) young, well-toned human beings. However, after going back and reviewing the millions and millions of video submissions from normal, everyday Americans, the producers of the hit show felt that they weren’t accurately reflecting their fan base and were only contributing to the expanding disconnect between reality and reality TV. “Take this one for instance,” host and producer Phil Keoghan offered.  “This guy’s in his mid to late thirties, probably majored in literature or something, can’t climb an actual staircase much less a corporate one, and so he has to try and win money on reality TV competitions.  It’s sad, really.  But hey, that was the whole idea behind Sad Sac...
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Area Procrastinator Tells Boss he Works Best Under Time Constraints
17Apr By jeff24 Comments
Local Man

Area Procrastinator Tells Boss he Works Best Under Time Constraints

Mort Feebly, assistant manager at Supplies Surprise, is a man who has explored all the subtleties and nuances of the motto: “Work smarter, not harder.”  So, when his boss and sometimes friend, Herbert Sherbert, told the store about an opportunity in corporate, Mort didn’t miss a beat—he put it off until tomorrow. We caught up with him at one of his many stopovers to Krispy Kreme and asked him why he wasn’t busy streamlining his inventory for tomorrow’s visit from corporate. “Let me put it this way: I don’t feel my skill-set is being fully appreciated.  I’ve been looking for a way to show those suits what I can really do under pressure.  Some people call it procrastination, but I’m more of a “glass is half full” kind of guy—I call it being ‘clutch’.” Later, we had a chance to sit d...
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United Airlines to <strike>Force</strike> Give Free MMA Lessons on all Flights
12Apr By jeff7 Comments
U.S.

United Airlines to Force Give Free MMA Lessons on all Flights

United Airlines, unbeknownst to many customers, has recently begun offering additional incentives to get passengers on overbooked flights to take a later plane.  According to an airlines spokesperson, these perks are offered with the customer in mind and are “for their own damn good.” From here on out on overbooked flights, passengers will be offered a number of enticing incentives – from money to vouchers to free mixed martial arts lessons with a security team. Two days ago on a flight out of Chicago O’Hare, Dr. David Dao, a 69 year-old doctor from Kentucky, decided to go with one of the newer incentives. “Dr. Dao wanted the more physical option,” a flight attendant revealed, “because he’s checking things off his bucket list.  You don’t hear that part on the video, but he said he...
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iPhone 8 and Star Wars 8 Released the Same Year!–Coincidence? Probably
10Apr By jeff33 Comments
ENTMT, Sci-Tech

iPhone 8 and Star Wars 8 Released the Same Year!–Coincidence? Probably

iPhone 8 and Star Wars 8 - a "forced" connection? Yes. After extensive online research conducted by this news site and all its related partners and entities, we have officially concluded that there is no connection between the release of Apple's iPhone 8 and the upcoming film, Star Wars 8, other than the number 8. Regardless of the fact that the number eight is extremely auspicious in China, and regardless of the fact that they're both releasing new editions, and that those editions are the eighth one--after seven others--there is no evidence to support this claim. "The argument lacks any force," one fan noted.  "It's superficial and tenuous at best; and may just be a ploy to generate artificial traffic." Nevertheless, because we just added an intern, we contacted Apple Corporat...
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