internet – Iron E-News

Iron E-News Quietly Wins Award over The Onion and Possibly Entire Internet

24May

By jeff16 Comments

Internets

Iron E-News Quietly Wins Award over The Onion and Possibly Entire Internet

Iron E-News is proud to announce that it has won the coveted Comment Response Award Prize for the first straight year in a row. This award, which has been called the Nobel Peace Prize of the Internet, is only given once a year to the news website that exemplifies the highest standards in both news reporting and website design/performance. However, though this award is actually given to the website that accumulates the greatest number of comments, the former is obviously implied. This year, Iron E-News far surpassed other notable real news websites such as The Onion and Newsbiscuit as well as various fake news sites such as The New York Times and The Washington Post. Here is just a taste of the passion and avid commitment from some of our readers: “good day everyone. i’m looki...

Man Prefers to Inwardly Like Facebook Posts

28Apr

By jeff19 Comments

Local Man

Man Prefers to Inwardly Like Facebook Posts

Area man, Pat Myas, is a lover of all things Facebook, but his friends on the popular social media site would never know it. According to our sources, Pat has the "annoying" habit of secretly enjoying the things he sees and reads without actually clicking the "like" button. "It's true," revealed one of his friends. "I talked to him the other day and he started going on and on about how he really, really liked something I posted on my timeline. When I confronted him about why he didn't click on the 'like' button he tried to engage in an existential discussion on the increasingly dichotomous nature of our reality! What an asshole." Esteemed internet sociologist, Dr. Harvard Browneye, wrote his doctoral thesis on the subject of Facebook likes and offered valuable insight into such behav...

IT Guy Admits Day Consists Mostly of Pet Videos and Typing a;lsjkd for Fun

25Apr

By jeff23 Comments

Internets

IT Guy Admits Day Consists Mostly of Pet Videos and Typing a;lsjkd for Fun

Local IT worker, Vaughan Johnson, is hard at work on that server issue cat video you asked about last week."Most of my job takes me about five minutes to get done," Vaughan admitted. "The rest is mainly memes and funny videos. Of course, I tell everyone it's going to take much longer because I don't want them to start giving me busy work."His company, Cemen Enterprises, services the needs between the producer and their traders. "Our company fills a small but essential (and overlooked) gap in the market," CEO Alec Smart offered. "We're basically--what's that? Just a sec. Well, get Vaughan in here right away. As you can see, we rely on Vaughan and his team completely. We have no idea what he does or how he does it but whatever it is, it's genius."According to Mr. Johnson, their effici...

Study: 98% of Internet Users Admit ROFL just a LOL

27Feb

By jeff27 Comments

Internets

Study: 98% of Internet Users Admit ROFL just a LOL

A new study was released last week detailing various online practices of users across our interconnected globe. Needless to say, some appalling facts have come to light. Apparently, the vast majority of web surfers suffer from something called lying. Basically, those who use internet slang as a form of communicating emotion are doing so superfluously, haphazardly, and, for the most part, under false pretenses. The data showed that seventy-five percent of the time LOL is used, the perpetrators are simply grinning while typing. Even more disturbing is the revelation that ninety-eight to ninety-nine percent of the time the user claims that something is so funny they are literally rolling on the ground in hysterics–you guessed it–they are still in their chair or on their bed. “We shou...