humor – Page 8 – Iron E-News

6Apr

By jeff19 Comments

Politics

Yuge Sinkhole Detected in D.C.

Trump's mouth possible ground zero An all-points emergency bulletin has been issued by the Federal Emergency Management Agency, calling on all Washington D.C. area response teams to convene with urgency on 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Apparently, a yuge sinkhole has been detected in or around the White House residence. "We're closely monitoring the situation," said DC Fire and EMS Chief Gregory Dean. "Not only that, but we're working in tandem with other departments to salvage whomever and whatever we can." According to FEMA, this is without doubt, one of the worst disasters in our nation's history. "Not only is it one of the worst (and we've had some bad ones)," reported acting director of FEMA, Robert Fenton Jr. "it has become so in record time. This is right up there with 2001, '69, a...

Eggsbenedict Cucumberpatch to Appear in New Thor Movie

5Apr

By Caleb Canfield19 Comments

ENTMT

Eggsbenedict Cucumberpatch to Appear in New Thor Movie

The third installment of the Thor franchise in the Marvel Cinematic Universe is scheduled for release on November 3, 2017. Recently, the character Dr. Stephen Strange, interpreted once again by famous Sherlock actor, Benadryl Chamberpot, has been confirmed to play a significant role as well. Alongside Chris Hemwarts, who plays the titular role, Brainfart Thundersnatch will be making his second appearance as the beloved magician as Thor presumably battles in a gladiator match against The Hulk, played by Mark Buffalo. At the end of 2016’s Doctor Strange, during the post-credits scene—a staple of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU)—the Earth’s Sorcerer Supreme hosted Thor and inquired about his half-brother magician, Loki. Though it appeared to tease Benediction’s part in Thor: Ragnarok, i...

5Apr

By jeff14 Comments

Local Man, Religion

Local Man Gives Up Lent for Lent

The religious observance of fasting and prayer known as Lent, which began on Wednesday, March 1 and ends Thursday, April 13, is quickly coming to a close. Observed by many branches of the Christian faithful--from Anglican to Catholic to Lutheran to Methodist and even some Evangelicals--this event is traditionally a time of sacrifice or abstention. That's why this year for Lent, local man, Willy Nihly, is abstaining from Lent. "I felt the best way to observe Lent was to give it up," Willy offered. "I mean, what better way to sacrifice than to sacrifice sacrifice? Or, if I can say it this way, what better way to give up things than to give up giving things up?" This is Willy's twentieth time participating so this year of observing non-observance has presented a unique set of ch...

Study Reveals Americans Losing Attention Sp

1Apr

By jeff12 Comments

Society, U.S.

Study Reveals Americans Losing Attention Sp

Sorry, I just needed to check my phone A very important research center released a study last week (that we totally read all the way through and enjoyed very much) detailing groundbreaking information on stuff we're pretty sure you need to know. We believe it to be crucial that you make it all the way through this article. According to the findings, most Americans suffer from something similar to this other thing we read about that was really cool. Basically, they put a group of kids into a "waiting room" and observed their behavior without them knowing it (actually sounds kind of creepy as I'm writing it down). Which brings up some interesting ethical questions regarding personal privacy and observing children - questions such as what are the ethical questions regarding persona...

Local Man Pretty Sure He has Telekenesis

30Mar

By jeff12 Comments

Local Man

Local Man Pretty Sure He has Telekenesis

"This is not glued to my head, as some of you may think." Harold Crumbs, also known as Voldvaderon to millions of online gamers, is 98 percent sure he can move things with his brain. It all started when he was young and he noticed that the second hand on the clock on his bedroom dresser only moved when he was looking at it. When he saw this, something awoke inside of him. "In that moment," recounted Mr. Crumbs. "I knew my life would never be the same. It was then and there I decided I would only reveal my power when the time was right." Not counting the millions of times he has bent his own fingers even while thinking, "Don't bend your fingers," Harold has successfully closed a door, melted ice, and made a candle flicker over and over--all with the power of his mind (and all o...

Rabbit too Cute for its Own Good Really Starting to Annoy other Forest Animals

29Mar

By jeff20 Comments

World

Rabbit too Cute for its Own Good Really Starting to Annoy other Forest Animals

Next to a cold gaggling brook, in a small but verdant patch of green, settled serenely in the heart of the North American deciduous forest--the place where that "fresh car smell" is born--lives a baby cottontail rabbit named Booby. And, as you can see from the picture above, this is no ordinary Sylvilagus Floridanus! You may remember him as the star of our award-winning biopic "A Glorious Tail" (previously titled "Can't See the Forest for the Booby" and also just "Booby Bunny: The Life and Times"). Field reporter Bev Jolt, after living among the woodland creatures for 2 years, grew very close to Booby and gained an invaluable insider's perspective. As a follow-up to the biopic, she offers a wildly provocative account of inter-animal relationships and hidden forest drama. "Fake,"...