funny news – Page 4 – Iron E-News

14Feb

By jeff17 Comments

Sci-Tech

Study: Mayonnaise from the Devil

Conclusive data uncovered in a new and impartial study conducted by the highly professional food scientists here at the Iron E Research Center in Shanghai, has shown that the popular condiment known to the world as mayonnaise actually comes from the vats of Hades. Some of us have had our suspicions about the insidious white sludge for quite some time but have held our tongues, strictly in the interests of science. Today, millions of consumers all around the world remain under the happy delusion that this fatty amalgamation of olive oil, egg yolk, and death is made in the loving factories of companies such as Kraft and Kewpie; and inadvertently overlook certain clues that, when taken as a whole, make the truth seem quite obvious. The first and most obvious one of course is the brand name...

American Tourist in Italy Visits the Sixteenth Chapel

11Feb

By jeff17 Comments

U.S.

American Tourist in Italy Visits the Sixteenth Chapel

American tourist and college grad, Richard Head, recently decided it was time to get some culture in his life. Or, in his words, 16th century porn. After “learning” about the paintings that ornamented the lavish walls of the Vatican’s famous “Sixteenth Chapel”, he logically assumed that this was how all Italians lived and dressed, and so, of course, he wanted to see it for himself. However, he hesitated for a brief moment because he thought it a bit strange that so much nudity would be found in chapels of all places. But he didn’t hesitate for long because so much culture awaited. Upon arriving in the Fiumicino airport, he hurriedly made his way through the tarmac and into the waiting area, fully expecting a cornucopia of lounging flesh similar to what one might find on Mount Olympus....

Thousand Angry Wasp Bucket Challenge not as Popular

13Aug

By jeff15 Comments

Society

Thousand Angry Wasp Bucket Challenge not as Popular

Wasp Bucket Challenge goes viral for all the wrong reasons Due to the overwhelming success of the popular ALS online “ice bucket challenge”, other non-profit organizations have begun proposing their own similar campaigns to generate awareness and support from the public. One particular charity, Save the Wasps of Ichipunininana, has started a campaign called the “thousand angry wasps bucket challenge” in which the participant simply puts a thousand or more poisonous flying insects into a large bucket and then dumps it over his/her head. The true challenge, according to the few who have actually participated–besides getting the wasps to stay in the bucket initially–is to not die afterwards. “Yeah, I made it. Barely,” said one participant through a breathing tube. “My face may loo...

World Cup Hemorrhaging Fans Because they have to Use Math

24Jun

By jeff13 Comments

Sports

World Cup Hemorrhaging Fans Because they have to Use Math

Every four years, the World Cup fan base gets smaller and smaller. The reason: mathematics. FIFA estimates that millions of fans from various countries and demographics, most of which carry degrees in the humanities, have completely given up on following their national team because it’s hurting their brain. Working out what each team needs to accomplish in order to make one of the top two slots in their group requires more than what many fans have bargained for: basic algebra skills and the ability to foresee and compute countless scenarios. Basically, too much. If you follow a team like Germany or the Netherlands–who will win all or most of their group stage games–you have little to worry about and can have a relaxing, enjoyable World Cup experience. If you’re a fan of a tea...

New Transformers Movie an Intellectual Orgasm

21Jun

By jeff15 Comments

ENTMT

New Transformers Movie an Intellectual Orgasm

New Transformers movie an esoteric vision The early reviews are in, and the fortieth installment of Michael Bay’s epic science fiction saga, Transformers: Age of Extinction, is quickly being hailed as the War and Peace of the silver screen. “Age of Extinction,” writes Desson Howe of the Washington Post, ”plays itself with such contrapuntal richness, it resonates in you forever. Set in an unknown time and space, this extraterrestrial saga of will, destiny and passion--starring Mark Wahlberg (formerly Marky Mark of the Funky Bunch)--is an extraordinary symphony of sound and silence, of lilting pleasure and tangled horror.” “It’s a genuinely epic ciné-poem that deals with flying, transforming robots as an absolute, inevitable and eternal facet of existence,” raves Geoff Andrew of Time ...

Iranian Judge Orders KimYe to Never Ever be in the News Again

28May

By jeff15 Comments

World

Iranian Judge Orders KimYe to Never Ever be in the News Again

Kimye news reaches tipping point for judge Following the logical summons of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg over privacy violations, a high court in southern Iran has issued its second demand in as many days: that the man who calls himself “Yeezus” and his former “internet star” turned bride, Kim Kardashian, shall never ever ever appear before his eyes while he’s watching his nightly news in his nightly jammies (or at any other time for that matter). This isn’t the first time this judge has flexed his judicial powers. Over the years, his excellency has summoned Batman (of course), The Rolling Stones (because he couldn’t get the radio to work), and Chuck Norris (which he deeply regretted). The judge wasn’t available for comment but Sherif Hassananan, an official with the paramilitary B...