Tag: fda

FDA Approves New ‘Merdersyl’–Stops Insomnia by Stopping your Heart
6May By jeff25 Comments
U.S.

FDA Approves New ‘Merdersyl’–Stops Insomnia by Stopping your Heart

The Food and Drug Administration has issued their approval for a radical new medication that comprehensively solves the sleep disorder known as insomnia.  Incidentally, it has also helped solve a number of other unforeseen issues - like the need to ever to wake up again. Initial tests of the drug on human subjects have shown an unprecedented 100% success rate as the subjects have each enjoyed a very, very long rest. According to inside sources, they are still out cold. "Man, this drug really works," a test subject's spouse offered enthusiastically.  "After taking one pill, my Tim was sleeping like an angel.  And nothing could wake him up either.  We're finally gonna get our beauty sleep." Eli Lilly and Company, best known for manufacturing Secobarbital, has begun ramping up pro...
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Study: Oreo’s Gateway Snack to Harder Snacks
20Mar By jeff14 Comments
Sci-Tech

Study: Oreo’s Gateway Snack to Harder Snacks

Oreo's best when crunched up and snorted A study was published a while ago by scientists who are finally focusing on something we care about: the Oreo cookie. Their findings only confirmed what the public has felt down in their guts for some time–something which can best be summed up in the wise words of Mr. Stuart Mackenzie: “They put an addictive chemical in it that makes ya crave it fortnightly!” (should be read in a Scottish accent) Apparently, the ingredients found in the famous American cookie have the same effect on the brain as various addictive drugs such as cocaine and morphine, which explains why some rats were found in the corner putting the creamy center into gram-sized plastic baggies. As soon as the results were released, a statement was issued by the Food and Drug...
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