Tag: fake news

Scientific Revolution Led by Band of Deluded Half-wits
12Mar By jeff17 Comments
Sci-Tech

Scientific Revolution Led by Band of Deluded Half-wits

Modern man, it seems, has been much too generous in his estimation of the supposed “fathers of science.”  Long held to be towering geniuses in multiple fields, recent historical documents have revealed our hidden suspicions: that religious men of the likes of Johannes Kepler, Galileo Galilei, Tycho Brahe, Renee Descartes and Francis Bacon (all contemporaries) were — to use the scientific term — idiot nutjobs. Apparently, they could barely string two sentences together. “God, God, science, God, God?” queried Kepler. “No, no.  God, science, Gody-god…God,” answered Bacon. This excerpt (under the chapter heading Dialogue Concerning Two Chief Loons), was found in the recently discovered diary of theologian and pseudo-scientist, Robert Boyle.  It illustrates the true mental state of a g...
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Area Man Asks Wife if She’s on Her Exclamation Point Again
9Mar By jeff11 Comments
Local Man

Area Man Asks Wife if She’s on Her Exclamation Point Again

Local Dallas resident, Eric Naughtbright, was shocked by the punctuation-filled response he received after asking his wife of eight years if she was having her exclamation point again. They had only been married a short time but Eric thought he was making real strides in his ability to understand and communicate with the opposite sex, especially during monthly times of difficulty. Since he had learned very quickly what not to call it, he was taking a new approach.  Needless to say, he's still in the learning stages. "I don't understand," Eric said.  "I mean, why just have a boring old period when you can really make a statement?  I thought it would be empowering." It wasn't. And after seeing the damage he had done, he did his best to salvage his relationship.  And his life. ...
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Man in Tinfoil Hat Sounding More Normal Every Day
8Mar By jeff16 Comments
World

Man in Tinfoil Hat Sounding More Normal Every Day

The man you see in the above picture, once labeled by society as looney tunes; once cast aside as fringe material; once mocked as a conspiratorial cuckoo, should not be dismissed or ignored any longer. He is the new normal. "...the illegal leaks! and classifieds! and information! and the illegal leaks!  It is a total witch hunt!" "THE MAN had my wires tapped in my tower! Even when he's 'not' here, he's still 'here'  You can't see him, but only I see him.  He's here right now." "THEY'RE LISTENING!" "Pretty sure--scratch that--definite proof (located in my mind castle) that phones were tapped." "Fake news media (failing @NYTimes @NBCNews @ABC @CNN @CBS) is not my enema, it is the enema of the American people!" "Salem witch hunters!" "I heard THE MAN liked to smoke Sal...
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Doctors Recommending 3 Selfies a Day to Combat ‘Failed Existence Syndrome’
5Mar By jeff21 Comments
Society

Doctors Recommending 3 Selfies a Day to Combat ‘Failed Existence Syndrome’

“A selfie can make you feel like you’re somebody” – Dr. Sal Phee Are you sad? All the time? Do you constantly wish you were someone else? Someone who is as happy as the people you see on TV? You might have a classic case of what doctors call “failed existence syndrome.” And although it’s true you will never be any of the extremely successful, popular, wealthy, beloved, beautiful, clean, fragrant, dentally perfect A-listers, you can still have a small piece of their eternal happiness. A very very very…very small piece. “A sliver of stardom is still stardom, is it not?” Dr. Sal Phee posed rhetorically. “Everyday people like you and me could never have all the happiness that celebrities possess. But if we can somehow mimic their lifestyle and actions in a small way then we can at least...
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Research Shows Fingers all You Need to Type on Keyboard
4Mar By jeff8 Comments
Sci-Tech

Research Shows Fingers all You Need to Type on Keyboard

No brain necessary for even high-level tasks, study shows The Institute of Neurological Research, located in Berkeley California, released a shocking new report on human brain function and development yesterday. Though initially seeking to gain further understanding as to how homo sapiens are able to perform complex tasks at high levels of intelligences (or how our brains work), they unwittingly made a very shocking discovery. The report shows that the body has somehow learned to carry out moderately high-level tasks apart from any brain function whatsoever. In order to prove this, the team of researchers put a Yahoo! Breaking News editor into a light coma and then placed a keyboard in front of him. Here are the results: Adam Levine’s Wife Laughed--More on this Story Later Beyonce an...
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