fake news – Page 11 – Iron E-News

Sources Close to Celebrity Sources Very Reliable, Sources Say

17Feb

By jeff22 Comments

Celebrities

Sources Close to Celebrity Sources Very Reliable, Sources Say

According to a contact of ours that has a very, very close acquaintance that knows people who are “in the know”, those particular people always know what they’re talking about when they talk about things heard from actual friends of celebrities. In other words, we have it on good authority that our source’s hearsay is authoritative. Our gossip is so good that we’ve been approached by OMG! and TMZ on a number of occasions to fill in the tiniest gaps on their usually solid stories. If you haven’t heard, we were the ones who gave them these juicy bits: -Lady Gaga to sue Ice Cream Limited for production of ice cream machine strap-on bra (called Malted Mammaries) -Matt Damon takes a really big bite of his cheeseburger (at an Italian restaurant!) -Hillary Duff and Lindsay Lohan to...

The Department of Justice Probes Itself–Comes Out Clean

22Oct

By jeff24 Comments

Politics

The Department of Justice Probes Itself–Comes Out Clean

After information has come to light regarding Chief Justice Eric Holder’s seizure of months of AP phone records and targeting of journalists such as James Rosen and David Sanger, Mr. Holder must now answer…to himself. Upon reading about the entire ordeal in his morning paper, the president has initiated an immediate and just response: namely, a thorough and penetrating investigation of DOJ policies and actions toward journalists. “I am very disturbed by what I’ve been reading,” president Obama admitted candidly. “We value freedom of the press and are committed to ensuring its protection. To prove it to you, I’ve tasked Chief Justice Holder with heading the investigation. No one is more familiar with the intricacies and complex machinations of Eric than Eric.” According to an anony...

Mitt Romney Adopts Overseas Money–Emotional Reunion at Airport

12Aug

By jeff24 Comments

Politics

Mitt Romney Adopts Overseas Money–Emotional Reunion at Airport

BOSTON--It was quite the Hallmark moment for the Romney clan today as the former governor stood next to his campaign bus at the Logan International Airport, anxiously awaiting the arrival of his newly adopted sons. And as his "precious cargo" emerged from the plane intact, he almost couldn't restrain himself. "I'm a dad again!" the proud governor exclaimed jubilantly. "And again. And again. I never thought this day would come but here it is--and here they are!" According to both the government and the Guinness Book of World Records, this is the first time anyone's family has outgrown most countries. "The little guys are still sleeping," whispered the presidential hopeful as he patted their briefcase-like strollers. "Oh look! Some Ben's are up. And a few thousand Grants to...

Mount Olympus now Mount Samsung in Honor of London 2012

20Jul

By jeff2 Comments

Sports

Mount Olympus now Mount Samsung in Honor of London 2012

LONDON--The International Olympic Committee announced its plans yesterday to change the name of the historic site of the gods, previously known as Mount Olympus, to Mount Samsung in honor of the upcoming Olympic Games. Other famous names that have come under scrutiny are Nike (the Winged Victory statue will now be called Adidas) and God (who can now only be referred to as The Alpha because of Omega watches). According to the Olympic governing body, the decision was made in the interests of protecting everyone's interests: the games, their partners, and of course, the fans. They also agreed that Samsung, being an official sponsor of the 2012 Olympiad, deserved a reward that would parallel its prodigious generosity and support. "We felt that this decision reflects the overall val...

Stephen Hawking Heralded as the New Ray Bradbury

10Jul

By jeff11 Comments

Sci-Tech

Stephen Hawking Heralded as the New Ray Bradbury

Following the passing of beloved sci-fi writer Ray Bradbury, the genius behind such great works as Fahrenheit 451 and The Martian Chronicles, many feared there would remain a great void in the fictional universe impossible to fill. But with the release of his latest book, The Grand Design, it seems eminent physicist Stephen Hawking is doing his best to fill those inimitable, red-dusted shoes. Like his predecessor before him, Hawking does a brilliant job of creating worlds with infinite possibilities—free from the restrictive laws of physics—born out of pure imagination. "Mr. Hawking is quite the enigma," reported the New York Times. "We all knew he was a great scientist, but who knew he could create such great science fiction?" Departing from conclusions and insights built on s...

Millions of Americans become Nader-haters because it’s Fun to Say

22May

By jeff16 Comments

Politics

Millions of Americans become Nader-haters because it’s Fun to Say

Americans all across the contiguous United States have recently jumped on the latest virtual bandwagon: hating presidential candidate Ralph Nader, simply because “hater” rhymes with “Nader”. Iron E-News talked with random people from different states and we were amazed at some of the responses. Bonnie-Luke from Washington said that she had never even heard of Ralph Nader and, beyond that, never dreamed of calling herself a political person, but when she came across the phrase “Nader-Hater” on the worldwide interwebs, she knew she had to align herself with that hilarious tidbit. Terry from California said she was ALOL (almost laughing out loud) when she saw the phrase, and since she hated all politicians anyway, she said it just felt right to hate Nader too. Paul from North Caro...