Dead Pigs in Shanghai River Classic Case of Zodiac Rivalry, Officials Say
SHANGHAI–Chinese officials have released an official statement today on the reason behind the almost 3,000 porcine carcasses found floating in the Huangpu river.
The well-timed statement has successfully lifted the fog of mystery surrounding this formerly intriguing incident and, at the same time, brought a sigh of relief to a tense and worried urban population.
Shanghai’s new mayor, Yang Xiong, assured the city’s residents that this had nothing to do with harmful chemicals or pollutants from China’s environmentally-friendly factories as some have spuriously suggested.
Apparently, the spirit pig became insanely jealous with all the attention being lavished on China’s serpentine golden boys–the dragon and dragon junior–and so, obviously, he sacrificed 2,800 willing volunteers to br...