11Apr 
32 Comments
32 Comments
27Mar 33 Comments
33 Comments 2 Trillion Dollar Bailout Leaves Everyone Thinking “They’ve Had 2 Trillion Dollars this Whole Time!”
On Wednesday the US Senate approved a historic (is it "a" historic or "an"? I can never remember) stimulus package that left everyone feeling quite positive after such a bipartisan and generous move.
It also left everyone with questions:
For example, where did the Senate get 2 TRILLION DOLLARS?!
Is there a bank inside the Senate that we didn't know about?
Is the Senate building made of gold and they're going to have to melt it down now to back the money?
Do they have a secret vault like Scrooge McDuck and do they go spelunking in the gold coins from time to time?
Are we going to have wait a while for them to print it all? Do they need to borrow my printer for the weekend?
If they parted with 2 trillion, how much money do they actually have? No really, we're not mad, we're impressed....
22Mar 36 Comments
36 Comments To Introverts ‘Social Distancing’ is just Called Life
Local introvert, Phil Koff, has a big grin pasted on the inside of his face whenever he hears someone remind him to keep a safe "social distance".
"It's like reminding me to act normal," Mr. Koff said with a wry gleam in his eye. "It's like telling a duck to quack. It's like telling a cheetah to run really fast. 'Now, cheetie, don't forget to run as fast as you can when chasing that antelope. Apparently, all I have are animal metaphors."
According to official health entities, "social distancing" is defined as the reduction of human social interaction in an effort to prevent the spread of infectious disease. Officials are encouraging everyone to practice this whenever possible.
"You want us to crawl into a deep dark hermit hole and not talk to or see anyone for possibly months? No proble...