President Chavez Recovering “Like a Condor!” and More

CARACAS–Enigmatic President of Venezuela Hugo Chavez has been recovering at an alarmingly fast pace, and the doctors said that he should be back to “soaring with the condors” very soon.

When Iron E-News correspondent Bev Jolt interviewed the president, she was surprised as anyone to find him in this revitalized (and poetic) state.

He talked little about his condition but was very eager to share about his renewed life vision–how even the most menial tasks put him in oneness with “our brothers in the animal kingdom.”

“I just got a coke like a raccoon,” revealed an ecstatic Chavez. “And before that I peed like a racehorse. Yes, I know many people use that expression, but they use it flippantly and are never one with the racehorse while they urinate–it’s simply horse pee to them and nothing more. It’s very sad.”

Mr. Chavez admitted that sometimes he cannot control his actions and that the animal of a particular moment “takes over”.

He said that this was why he punched a nurse like a kangaroo and tackled a vending machine like a bear; and also why he tazed four people like a jellyfish and bounded across rooftops like a flying squirrel.

President Chavez went on to tell us that he is happy he got sick like bacteria and now sees that this epiphany must be spread to the whole world like his little microscopic friends.