New Class of Dodo–‘Anus Coulterus’–Found in North America

Scientists with the Smithsonian Institution have stumbled on the find of a lifetime! A species long purported to be extinct–the infamous dodo bird.

Though, technically, this particular bird, Anus Coulterus, is suspected to be a cross-breed between a dodo and some kind of cuckoo.

Last week, the team was studying a pair of newly transported condor falcons at a local zoo when they happened upon the unpredictable animal.

“There we were, walking by the elephant area, when we heard the most God-awful sound,” reported the team leader. “Remember, Laura? You actually said, ‘Oh good Lord! What is that?! It sounds like Satan giving birth to a pterodactyl!” So we went over to investigate and there it was, covered in elephant dung! For some reason, it had been subsisting mostly on the fecal matter of pachiderms.”

The team of international biologists are hailing the rediscovery as equaling the greatness of the bird’s original disappearance and the subsequent myth that emerged over the centuries, in all its great mythiness.

“This is truly legendary,” effused field expert Luke Forthings. “At first we thought it was an over-sized, eccentric turkey but now we’re quite certain it’s a real dodo.”

Even more exciting—though not confirmed—the team revealed that a second grouping of feathers (slightly bluer than the first) and dodo tracks were found in the donkey pen just a few yards away.

It seems this species is much more resilient, and prevalent, than first thought.