Iranian Judge Orders KimYe to Never Ever be in the News Again

Kimye news reaches tipping point for judge

Following the logical summons of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg over privacy violations, a high court in southern Iran has issued its second demand in as many days: that the man who calls himself “Yeezus” and his former “internet star” turned bride, Kim Kardashian, shall never ever ever appear before his eyes while he’s watching his nightly news in his nightly jammies (or at any other time for that matter).

This isn’t the first time this judge has flexed his judicial powers.  Over the years, his excellency has summoned Batman (of course), The Rolling Stones (because he couldn’t get the radio to work), and Chuck Norris (which he deeply regretted).

The judge wasn’t available for comment but Sherif Hassananan, an official with the paramilitary Basij force, said his honor also requested that the newly wedded couple’s names (including all derivations, abbreviations, and combinations) be atom-bombed from his memory “henceforth and forevermore.”

However, complications arose when the judge had to sign the official cyberspace and television exile documents…

“Who are these papers for?” the judge asked the clerk beside him.

“Your excellency, I’m sorry but I cannot tell you that,” the clerk answered haltingly as beads of perspiration quickly accumulated on his brow.

“What do you mean, ‘you CAN’T tell ME’!” screamed the judge, growing irate.  ”How dare you defy my command!  You must care very little for that head on your shoulders.”

At this, the quivering clerk, whimpered in reply, “But it was you who forbade me from speaking their names, your honor.”

“Don’t tell me what I did and didn’t say!  TELL ME NOW OR LOSE YOUR HEAD!”

“Kimye!  It was Kimye!  Kim Kardashian and Kanye West–the ones you said had made you vomit from overexposure but that you wouldn’t mind seeing just her and not him maybe if that was alright as long as you didn’t look at her too much but did it just to appreciate God’s gift of beauty and–”

“Alright!  Alright!  You can stop now!  Jeez.  I got it already.”

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