Eric says Canadian Girlfriend Definitely Coming to Visit this Summer

Area 9th grader, Eric Burgess, has informed everyone that his long-term girlfriend of many years is finally coming to see him.

“It’s happening!” Eric told his friends, who looked up quizzically. “Jennifer is coming this weekend!”

“Who?” asked his brother, Todd.

“Riiiiight,” replied Brian, who lived one block over from Todd and Eric. “And Justin Bieber is taking me to see the Red Sox on Sunday. He’s got us box seats and everything.”

“Oh, JENNIFER,” Todd said mockingly. “Jennifer is coming. We all get to finally meet Jennifer. The girl who definitely exists. The girl who has been sending love letters in Eric’s handwriting for years. The girl who couldn’t come one time because she got mono.”

“And that one time because all the Canadian planes were down,” Brian added.

“And then time they broke up,” Todd continued.

“Oh, and the three times she went off to girls’ camp,” Brian said.

“Come on, guys, you know her parents wouldn’t let her get a passport!” Eric replied defensively.

“Or a phone. Or an email. Or a camera, for some reason,” Brian continued.

“They’re crazy strict,” Eric interrupted. “And I’m pretty sure they didn’t like that she was dating an American. But they’ve come around now. I told them I loved poutine and Sarah McLachlan.”