The major dictionaries of the world, like Oxford, Cambridge, Merriam-Webster, and thefreedictionary.com–once preeminent preservers of meaning and definition–are all abandoning centuries of etymological tradition to embrace a new and more fluid reality–one where you can define your own.
This sort of DIY approach to truth is all the rage right now, and so institutions long considered archaic and out of touch are looking to regain relevancy among a population who won’t be told how to live, who they are, or even what an ‘is’ is.
In order to do this, all online dictionaries are now making themselves more like Wikipedia, but with everyone having admin privileges.
“We’re redefining ourselves, if you’ll excuse the paronomasia,” said James Murray, principal editor of the Oxford English Dictionary, while muffling a small giggle. “Besides, who can stop the shifting sands of time? No one. Not to worry, though, it won’t be like quicksand at all; it will be more like a child’s sandbox. Except without the box. Or the ground. Maybe even the sand. I don’t know what it will be like.”
According to Peter White, editor of Defineyourtruth.com, finding his truth has been a journey for him. “I’m 3/4 Cherokee and 3/4 Wookie. I have known it for a long time now but have been afraid to embrace it. My dad still won’t call me Nanyehi or answer my Wookie call, but he’ll come around eventually. Either that or the State will make him.”
Social constructs like gender, heritage, and math–once viewed as monolithic in nature–are now as fluid in their definitions as a chameleon’s semen.
“A dictionary is just a suggestion, you know,” said local wordsmith Bernie Pensholder. “It’s a starting point, and then the rest is up to us. Here, watch this…(typing)…the word ‘dictionary’ now means ‘a book of opinions’. Oh, wait, no, this one is better. I changed it to ‘ass’. Haha. Now everyone has to call it ‘ass’. Well, at least for the next five minutes.”
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