Charlie Sheen Runs for President of the President of the United States

NEW YORK—In a surprising move yesterday, Adonis Charlie Sheen announced that he would run for POTUS (or President of the United States), and that, obviously, everyone else who ran would fail and become “epic losers.”

Mr. Sheen, no stranger to the spotlight lately, has pounced on the opportunity to see just how far his fame might take him.

Even after finding out that POTUS was not a drug and that it meant he would definitely maybe have to work, he said he was still interested. Then, upon hearing that POTUS was the highest office that one could hold on the earth and that it was the next logical step in becoming MOTU (Master of the Universe), he responded immediately with, “Winning!”

However, during an exclusive interview with Iron E-News, Mr. Sheen let his ambitious and creative tiger-brain know no bounds.

“Who’s the most powerful person on the planet? The POTUS. Who tells him what to do? Nobody. Well, that’s who I want to be. I don’t want to be president of the US anymore—lame. I want to be the president of the president. I’m calling it POTPOTUS. Duh. Winning!”