World

Bombs Interfere with Dictator Fashion Week
14Jun By jeff21 Comments
Dictators

Bombs Interfere with Dictator Fashion Week

TRIPOLI, LYBIA—With rumors swirling around the status of the highly anticipated SWAG FEST (Senior World Autocratic Gala and Fashion Event Spectacular in Tripoli) due to ill-timed popular uprisings and subsequent bombing by the West, Lybian leader and dictator debonair Mu’uamar Gaddafi told Iron E-News that the show, “must, and will, go on!” In his speech on opening day, surrounded by other leader/models such as King Hamad of Bahrain, Islam Karimov of Uzbekistan, Gurbanguly Berdymuhammedov of Turkmenistan, Ali Zadari of Pakistan, and President Saleh of Yemen, Gadhafi celebrated the show’s life and resilience through the best and worst of times. “When Ben-ali and Mubarak cancelled at the last moment, I was afraid we were going to have to postpone. But after receiving so much opposition...
Read More
President Chavez Recovering “Like a Condor!” and More
12Jun By jeff14 Comments
Dictators

President Chavez Recovering “Like a Condor!” and More

CARACAS–Enigmatic President of Venezuela Hugo Chavez has been recovering at an alarmingly fast pace, and the doctors said that he should be back to “soaring with the condors” very soon. When Iron E-News correspondent Bev Jolt interviewed the president, she was surprised as anyone to find him in this revitalized (and poetic) state. He talked little about his condition but was very eager to share about his renewed life vision–how even the most menial tasks put him in oneness with “our brothers in the animal kingdom.” “I just got a coke like a raccoon,” revealed an ecstatic Chavez.  “And before that I peed like a racehorse.  Yes, I know many people use that expression, but they use it flippantly and are never one with the racehorse while they urinate–it’s simply horse pee to them and...
Read More
U.S. Totally Retains Moral Authority in Lybia
11May By jeff4 Comments
U.S.

U.S. Totally Retains Moral Authority in Lybia

Iron E-Newswire Official Transcript Mrs. Clinton:  Good morning everyone.  Can you hear me okay?  Well, as some of you may already know, we have begun imposing an arms embargo and unilateral sanctions against Mu’uammar Gaddafi and his regime.  The situation in Lybia has come to the point where we feel this action is both justified and entirely necessary, and furthermore, we are confident it will seriously disrupt both his network of operations and his ability to move weapons and forces on the ground. Iron E-News:  Mrs. Clinton, this is Mr. Jolt with Iron E-News.  Good morning and congratulations to both you and the President.  Does this signal a new era for U.S.-Iranian relations? Mrs. Clinton:  I’m not sure what you mean.  Are you referring to Lybia? Iron E-News:  Iran—the arms ...
Read More
Ahmadinejad Creates Fascistbook–The Cure for the Lonely Dictator
1Apr By jeff3 Comments
Dictators

Ahmadinejad Creates Fascistbook–The Cure for the Lonely Dictator

TEHRAN, IRAN – For Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, life as a dictator is starting to take its toll. His answer: FASCISTBOOK. It is quickly becoming a hit with autocrats everywhere. "I love it," Putin put in. "It's almost as beautiful as my body.  Almost." In an extremely candid and colorful interview with Iron E-News, the Iranian leader showed us his vulnerable side and talked about how his important position and responsibilities have not come without their costs. “Being a beloved despot is not as easy or glamorous as some might think,” Ahmadinejad revealed. “There are too few leaders who can relate, you know—who do what I do day in and day out. Honestly, it’s lonely at the top of tyranny.” So Mahmoud, while working with Microsoft on his latest censorship programs, created an innovativ...
Read More
Gaddafi Forgets Correct Spelling of Own Name
6Mar By jeff5 Comments
Dictators

Gaddafi Forgets Correct Spelling of Own Name

LYBIA—Who is the real Muammar Gaddafi anway?  Dictator?  Dad?  Fashionista?  The man of many hats is also the man of many names but it seems that even Gaddafi is unsure now about the one his mother gave him. Last night, the more-than-famous Lybian leader, while writing a check to a local grocer in Tripoli, became confused about the correct spelling of his name, and had a bit of trouble convincing the 16-year-old teller that he really was Gaddafi. “I blame the media, you know,” Gaddafi surmised. “Reuters spells it Gaddafi, the New Yorker spells it Qaddafi, and Yahoo spells it Kadhafi.  Who can keep it straight anymore?” According to Gaddafi, the lawyer that had his birth records met an unfortunate end during the current conflict and, somehow, all the records were destroyed along wi...
Read More