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China Says Pollution Helping Kids Use Imagination

4Apr

By jeff24 Comments

China

China Says Pollution Helping Kids Use Imagination

"I'm picturing the Forbidden City behind me!" China's Ministry of Education released some very encouraging numbers last week, showing significant increases in imagination all throughout its major cities. According to indicators tracking the Imagination Quality Index, spikes in creative thoughts in the minds of children have registered at consistently high levels over the past decade or so primarily due to industrialization and the "recanvasing" of China skies. "We have given our children a gift," reported a high level official Xi He. "The dark gray canvas that we have stretched across the horizon offers kids the perfect opportunity to paint ideas in whatever color or hue their creativity suggests." On October 21, 2013, record smog closed the Harbin Airport along with all schools in th...

Study Reveals Americans Losing Attention Sp

1Apr

By jeff12 Comments

Society, U.S.

Study Reveals Americans Losing Attention Sp

Sorry, I just needed to check my phone A very important research center released a study last week (that we totally read all the way through and enjoyed very much) detailing groundbreaking information on stuff we're pretty sure you need to know. We believe it to be crucial that you make it all the way through this article. According to the findings, most Americans suffer from something similar to this other thing we read about that was really cool. Basically, they put a group of kids into a "waiting room" and observed their behavior without them knowing it (actually sounds kind of creepy as I'm writing it down). Which brings up some interesting ethical questions regarding personal privacy and observing children - questions such as what are the ethical questions regarding persona...

Rachel Dolezal Finding Exceptance in Liberal Community

31Mar

By jeff8 Comments

U.S.

Rachel Dolezal Finding Exceptance in Liberal Community

Ms. Dolezal encouraging people to run their true 'race' Nkechi Amare Diallo, formerly Rachel Moore, formerly Rachel Anne Dolezal, is a former American civil rights activist (still an American but a former civil rights activist) former Africana instructor (still an instructor - see above photo - but former Africana), and former president of the NAACP chapter in Spokane, WA for one and a half years (possibly still a president of something). She is a self-described "soul sista" who is still defining her own truth. According to defineyourowntruth.com and most of the world, it is possible for anyone nowadays to create the reality they prefer. Whether it be one's sexual preference or one's gender or one's racial identity or even Facebook status, you are free to be who you want to be and neit...

Rabbit too Cute for its Own Good Really Starting to Annoy other Forest Animals

29Mar

By jeff20 Comments

World

Rabbit too Cute for its Own Good Really Starting to Annoy other Forest Animals

Next to a cold gaggling brook, in a small but verdant patch of green, settled serenely in the heart of the North American deciduous forest--the place where that "fresh car smell" is born--lives a baby cottontail rabbit named Booby. And, as you can see from the picture above, this is no ordinary Sylvilagus Floridanus! You may remember him as the star of our award-winning biopic "A Glorious Tail" (previously titled "Can't See the Forest for the Booby" and also just "Booby Bunny: The Life and Times"). Field reporter Bev Jolt, after living among the woodland creatures for 2 years, grew very close to Booby and gained an invaluable insider's perspective. As a follow-up to the biopic, she offers a wildly provocative account of inter-animal relationships and hidden forest drama. "Fake,"...

18Mar

By jeff17 Comments

U.S.

McDonald’s Acknowledges McRegret

McRegret is a very real thing McDonald's CEO, Steve Easterbrook, held a press conference yesterday to finally acknowledge a condition that millions and millions of customers around the globe have had to struggle with for years, sometimes decades: McRegret. Following mounting pressure from the FDA as well as a few civil lawsuits they were facing, the company decided to get ahead of the story and come clean. "We at McDonald's Co. officially recognize what has been confirmed by the American Medical Association and the FDA as a very serious emotional condition--similar to PTSD--that has affected countless numbers of Double and Triple cheeseburger-eaters across our shared planet. And we would like to express our sympathies by giving every customer a free Super Size of Shame on their next v...

All Birds with Flu Encouraged to Drink Soup, Rest

14Mar

By jeff19 Comments

China

All Birds with Flu Encouraged to Drink Soup, Rest

Over the past couple months, a powerful strain of avian flu (H7N9) has resurfaced in parts of China, causing alarm to mother hens everywhere. "Birds are flying the coop in record numbers," one official revealed, "And we don't want to have to start chasing wild geese again, so we're appealing for calm and encouraging all of our feathered friends to stay at home, drink soup, and rest." But, according to Beijing, this is presenting a real problem. "The birds--especially the chickens--are refusing to eat the right kind of soup, if you know what I mean," Dr. Swan commented. "Even though one goose has shown dramatic improvement from our recipes, they're still not sure it's also good for the gander." Other tests, however, have been less successful. Apparently, Chinese officials hav...