China

Shanghai Sesame Street Teaches Kids College Level Words
5May By jeff36 Comments
China

Shanghai Sesame Street Teaches Kids College Level Words

Little Xiao Xiao wakes up every Saturday morning, eats a jian bing, and turns on channel 21. Because Sesame Street is on. "I call the puppets Da Bai (hazmat workers)!" screamed an excited Xiao Xiao. "They teach me so many good English words. Of course, (President) Xi is the one controlling them so I owe all my learning to him. Who knew he was so great at puppetry!" Ernie holds a letter d in his hand and sings while Cookie Monster dines on his dessert of choice. The word of today, of course, is 'draconian', and Xiao Xiao has probably repeated it a million times. According to the Shanghai Education Bureau, children are far more likely to act like adults if they are treated like adults. And adults are not to be trusted to make their own decisions so they must be treated like smaller, youn...
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Traditional Chinese Medicine very Effective with Asymptomatic Cases, Study Shows
10Apr By jeff36 Comments
China

Traditional Chinese Medicine very Effective with Asymptomatic Cases, Study Shows

A new study released by the World Health Organization has shown that Traditional Chinese Medicine is effective against all strains of asymptomatic COVID. In fact, its efficacy has been proven against most, if not all, asymptomatic diseases and viruses worldwide. "It is the most powerful medicine in the world at battling non-symptoms," said current WHO director, Tedros Ghebreyesus. "It is extremely efficacious. And I say that not just because efficacious is a great word to say, but because it's true." The recent findings on TCM by the WHO (not the band) represent a logical, progressive shift in thinking and policy from years past, and that these findings were found to be much better than findings previously found. Shijiazhuang Yiling Pharmaceutical, the maker of Lianhua Qingwen, has said...
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China Says Pollution Helping Kids Use Imagination
4Apr By jeff24 Comments
China

China Says Pollution Helping Kids Use Imagination

"I'm picturing the Forbidden City behind me!" China's Ministry of Education released some very encouraging numbers last week, showing significant increases in imagination all throughout its major cities. According to indicators tracking the Imagination Quality Index, spikes in creative thoughts in the minds of children have registered at consistently high levels over the past decade or so primarily due to industrialization and the "recanvasing" of China skies. "We have given our children a gift," reported a high level official Xi He.  "The dark gray canvas that we have stretched across the horizon offers kids the perfect opportunity to paint ideas in whatever color or hue their creativity suggests." On October 21, 2013, record smog closed the Harbin Airport along with all schools in th...
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All Birds with Flu Encouraged to Drink Soup, Rest
14Mar By jeff19 Comments
China

All Birds with Flu Encouraged to Drink Soup, Rest

Over the past couple months, a powerful strain of avian flu (H7N9) has resurfaced in parts of China, causing alarm to mother hens everywhere. "Birds are flying the coop in record numbers," one official revealed,  "And we don't want to have to start chasing wild geese again, so we're appealing for calm and encouraging all of our feathered friends to stay at home, drink soup, and rest." But, according to Beijing, this is presenting a real problem. "The birds--especially the chickens--are refusing to eat the right kind of soup, if you know what I mean," Dr. Swan commented.  "Even though one goose has shown dramatic improvement from our recipes, they're still not sure it's also good for the gander." Other tests, however, have been less successful.  Apparently, Chinese officials hav...
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Dead Pigs in Shanghai River Classic Case of Zodiac Rivalry, Officials Say
13Mar By jeff21 Comments
China

Dead Pigs in Shanghai River Classic Case of Zodiac Rivalry, Officials Say

SHANGHAI–Chinese officials have released an official statement today on the reason behind the almost 3,000 porcine carcasses found floating in the Huangpu river. The well-timed statement has successfully lifted the fog of mystery surrounding this formerly intriguing incident and, at the same time, brought a sigh of relief to a tense and worried urban population. Shanghai’s new mayor, Yang Xiong, assured the city’s residents that this had nothing to do with harmful chemicals or pollutants from China’s environmentally-friendly factories as some have spuriously suggested. Apparently, the spirit pig became insanely jealous with all the attention being lavished on China’s serpentine golden boys–the dragon and dragon junior–and so, obviously, he sacrificed 2,800 willing volunteers to br...
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China Responds to Drought–Offers Farmers Free Wood for Coffins
25Feb By jeff15 Comments
China

China Responds to Drought–Offers Farmers Free Wood for Coffins

YUNNAN–In the quiet, almost pastoral outskirts of northwest Yunnan, an elderly gentleman sits in the afternoon sun humming a familiar tune and patiently working on his long, rectangular box of wood–or future home, of sorts. The local Chinese government, in response to the longterm drought caused primarily by extensive damming projects, has generously begun to supply farmers with free wood so they, like Ming Xu, can begin to plan for the future. “I retired a few months ago from working the land,” said Ming Xu, “basically because there was no real land to work anymore, and started going stir-crazy inside the house. That’s when my wife told me I needed a hobby; so I decided to try my hand at carpentry.” “Everybody needs a hobby. Everybody (especially when they’re my age) needs someth...
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