World – Iron E-News

All Conspiracies come from Russian Bots, Credible Online Source Reveals

21Aug

By jeff20 Comments

World

All Conspiracies come from Russian Bots, Credible Online Source Reveals

According to a credible online source, every modern-day conspiracy since the late 1960s originated from bots whose location has been traced to somewhere deep inside the Kremlin. Various theories from chemtrails used as biological warfare (AKA Secret Large-scale Atmospheric Program) to 9/11 being faked to the idea that there is only one yawn in the world which is simply being passed around, have apparently all come from the same source: Russian bots. These programs, codenamed "Matryoshkas" have remained undetectable for decades. By placing a tiny piece of code inside of a slightly larger piece of code inside of a larger string of code, they made them almost impossible to find. The report goes on to reveal that these digital agitators were initially developed, not by the Russians, ...

Shanghai Sesame Street Teaches Kids College Level Words

5May

By jeff36 Comments

China

Shanghai Sesame Street Teaches Kids College Level Words

Little Xiao Xiao wakes up every Saturday morning, eats a jian bing, and turns on channel 21. Because Sesame Street is on. "I call the puppets Da Bai (hazmat workers)!" screamed an excited Xiao Xiao. "They teach me so many good English words. Of course, (President) Xi is the one controlling them so I owe all my learning to him. Who knew he was so great at puppetry!" Ernie holds a letter d in his hand and sings while Cookie Monster dines on his dessert of choice. The word of today, of course, is 'draconian', and Xiao Xiao has probably repeated it a million times. According to the Shanghai Education Bureau, children are far more likely to act like adults if they are treated like adults. And adults are not to be trusted to make their own decisions so they must be treated like smaller, youn...

Traditional Chinese Medicine very Effective with Asymptomatic Cases, Study Shows

10Apr

By jeff36 Comments

China

Traditional Chinese Medicine very Effective with Asymptomatic Cases, Study Shows

A new study released by the World Health Organization has shown that Traditional Chinese Medicine is effective against all strains of asymptomatic COVID. In fact, its efficacy has been proven against most, if not all, asymptomatic diseases and viruses worldwide. "It is the most powerful medicine in the world at battling non-symptoms," said current WHO director, Tedros Ghebreyesus. "It is extremely efficacious. And I say that not just because efficacious is a great word to say, but because it's true." The recent findings on TCM by the WHO (not the band) represent a logical, progressive shift in thinking and policy from years past, and that these findings were found to be much better than findings previously found. Shijiazhuang Yiling Pharmaceutical, the maker of Lianhua Qingwen, has said...

2 Trillion Dollar Bailout Leaves Everyone Thinking “They’ve Had 2 Trillion Dollars this Whole Time!”

27Mar

By jeff33 Comments

U.S.

2 Trillion Dollar Bailout Leaves Everyone Thinking “They’ve Had 2 Trillion Dollars this Whole Time!”

On Wednesday the US Senate approved a historic (is it "a" historic or "an"? I can never remember) stimulus package that left everyone feeling quite positive after such a bipartisan and generous move. It also left everyone with questions: For example, where did the Senate get 2 TRILLION DOLLARS?! Is there a bank inside the Senate that we didn't know about? Is the Senate building made of gold and they're going to have to melt it down now to back the money? Do they have a secret vault like Scrooge McDuck and do they go spelunking in the gold coins from time to time? Are we going to have wait a while for them to print it all? Do they need to borrow my printer for the weekend? If they parted with 2 trillion, how much money do they actually have? No really, we're not mad, we're impressed....

Local Barbecue Found with Weapons Grade Masculinity

30Jan

By jeff21 Comments

U.S.

Local Barbecue Found with Weapons Grade Masculinity

FORT WORTH--An area residence is under investigation tonight after a vigilant neighbor, Sarah Noyeen, called in to report "dangerous levels of masculine behavior" happening right over their shared fence. According to the neighbor, every weekend, Nathaniel Keen gets together with a group of man friends to mansplain the world's issues and do God-else-knows-what. "They drink tons of beer, tell inappropriate jokes, and even wrestle each other on the ground!" Sarah said with eyes widening. "They're gross and needed to be stopped." At Sarah's behest, a Neighborhood Watch team was assembled and sent to the house, along with two local security guards who normally patrol the area. The head of the Watch told us that she uncovered a stash of over 100 bottles of homemade BBQ sauce in the ki...

9 Out of 10 Southerners Aren’t as Stupid as Northerners Think

8Jan

By Jennifer Hollie Bowles34 Comments

U.S.

9 Out of 10 Southerners Aren’t as Stupid as Northerners Think

A shocking new study conducted by the University of BFE in Tallasasaquatchaheely, TX shows that only 10% of Southerners are as stupid as Northerners think--or as Northern teachers tell students in history classes. It turns out that 90% of Southerners do not: 1) Have sex with their cousins or other family members, 2) Think all people that are not white should be slaves or die, 3) Have more than one abandoned vehicle on their properties, 4) Eat only potatoes and pig fat, 5) Wear overalls, 6) Spend most of their time chewing tobacco, or 7) Have rebel flags. Additionally, 90% of Southerners do: 1) Clean their feet, 2) Have running water, and 3) Pass the 3rd grade. The study further revealed that some assumptions about Southerners are 80-90% correct, but these assumptions, according to...