Sports – Page 3 – Iron E-News

23Feb

By jeff16 Comments

Sports

Luke Racewalker: The Undertold Story

In a tiny, isolated Texas town just west of the Pecos, where the wandering buffalo still roam under great, cloudless skies, one young man’s dream is as big as the state he calls home. His name is Luke Racewalker. His dream: to walk really, really fast. Luke and his manager/trainer, Mr. Opie Shinobi (not their real names), recently released a major VHS documentary spanning Luke’s power-walking beginnings at the local mall all the way up to his preparations for the 2012 Olympic Games, while at the same time paying homage to a sport that gets walkers everywhere fired up. Last week, Iron E-News’ top reporter traveled to the dusty little town to get the story behind the story. “Well, it was first called Luke Racewalker: The Untold Story,” his manager recalled. “But after we started ...

World Cup Hemorrhaging Fans Because they have to Use Math

24Jun

By jeff13 Comments

Sports

World Cup Hemorrhaging Fans Because they have to Use Math

Every four years, the World Cup fan base gets smaller and smaller. The reason: mathematics. FIFA estimates that millions of fans from various countries and demographics, most of which carry degrees in the humanities, have completely given up on following their national team because it’s hurting their brain. Working out what each team needs to accomplish in order to make one of the top two slots in their group requires more than what many fans have bargained for: basic algebra skills and the ability to foresee and compute countless scenarios. Basically, too much. If you follow a team like Germany or the Netherlands–who will win all or most of their group stage games–you have little to worry about and can have a relaxing, enjoyable World Cup experience. If you’re a fan of a tea...

Bench Clearing Brawl Turns into Major Tickle Fight

15May

By jeff10 Comments

Sports

Bench Clearing Brawl Turns into Major Tickle Fight

The Tampa Bay Rays played the Seattle Mariners yesterday and, at one point in the game, things got ugly. Then they got awkward. In the fourth inning, with one man on and two out, the Rays pitcher, David Price, faced Corey Hart. Earlier in the game, Price had already brushed Hart off the plate and it didn't look like he was going to go easy on him this time around either. The two benches, sensing something was up, stood to their feet in anticipation. And sure enough, on the next pitch, Price beamed Hart right in the shoulder as Hart turned to avoid the incoming ball. Before you could say, The Cubs will never win the World Series in a million lifetimes because they are still under a curse that the baseball gods in all their infinite baseball wisdom have yet to lift, the two benches wer...

Tiger Woods Still Getting White Dudes Really Really Pumped about Golf

21Nov

By jeff14 Comments

Sports

Tiger Woods Still Getting White Dudes Really Really Pumped about Golf

No matter how poor Tiger Woods’ performance is on the course, he still has an uncanny ability to get people everywhere fired up about the sport. Especially white dudes. According to Scarborough Research data and, more recently, Nielsen’s 2013 sports media report, approximately 85-87% of golf fans are white; and of that number, the majority are over 55. These numbers, to many in the golf world, are revealing. But they’re also raising a number of questions for those that follow the sport. The first, and most obvious question, of course, is “How are men from the Caucuses mountains getting TV reception?” And the second, but equally penetrating: “Is golf the only channel?” “Well, yeah, now that you mention it, those numbers can’t be right,” said one TV analyst. ”One would assu...

Mount Olympus now Mount Samsung in Honor of London 2012

20Jul

By jeff2 Comments

Sports

Mount Olympus now Mount Samsung in Honor of London 2012

LONDON--The International Olympic Committee announced its plans yesterday to change the name of the historic site of the gods, previously known as Mount Olympus, to Mount Samsung in honor of the upcoming Olympic Games. Other famous names that have come under scrutiny are Nike (the Winged Victory statue will now be called Adidas) and God (who can now only be referred to as The Alpha because of Omega watches). According to the Olympic governing body, the decision was made in the interests of protecting everyone's interests: the games, their partners, and of course, the fans. They also agreed that Samsung, being an official sponsor of the 2012 Olympiad, deserved a reward that would parallel its prodigious generosity and support. "We felt that this decision reflects the overall val...

Unknown Man Arrested for Impersonating Lebron in NBA Finals

15Jun

By jeff24 Comments

Sports

Unknown Man Arrested for Impersonating Lebron in NBA Finals

MIAMI—A Dallas man was arrested yesterday after Miami police discovered that he had kidnapped and then impersonated Heat star Lebron James during the NBA Finals against the Mavericks earlier this month in what has to be the wildest scheme ever to help the Mavs achieve basketball glory. Apparently it worked. Detectives who opened the case said that they were tipped off by suspicious activity during games four, five, and six of the championship series. “Something was definitely hinkey,” reported Miami detective Jack Emup. “We watched all the games at the station, and we knew something was wrong, but we never would’ve suspected this.” According to police, the man they apprehended played college ball on a division one team, underwent facial reconstructive surgery, and even got the ...