Society – Page 9 – Iron E-News

Page of Online Ads Mistaken for News Article

17Mar

By jeff29 Comments

Internets

Page of Online Ads Mistaken for News Article

Last week, local news consumer, Burd Lines, mistook a beautifully arranged page of online ads for an actual news article like this one. Apparently, he was browsing through his usual news sites when he came across a hyperlink to an article embedded in another article and decided to click on it. He was pleasantly surprised by the small number of ads he had to sift through, and actually thought there would be much more. Not only this, but after reading over the page of current events in advertising, he felt quite satisfied and lost all desire to continue to his next usual news site.

Area Husband Hates it when his Wife Generalizes All the Time

16Mar

By jeff6 Comments

Local Man

Area Husband Hates it when his Wife Generalizes All the Time

Late last night, a local husband–known to his friends as probably the kindest and most patient man to ever live–was overheard sharing his pain over a pint at Joe’s Tavern. “Man, my old lady. She really, really has an exaggeration problem,” he admitted. “I mean, seriously. She’s probably the worst exaggerator in the universe. Or is it ‘best’ exaggerator? Whatever. I do something wrong ONE time and it suddenly becomes every time. “Oh Barney, he never puts the toilet seat down!’ or ‘Oh, Barney, he always criticizes me.’ or ‘That Barney, he always leaves his toenails on my pillow.'” “Mmhmm,” his friends murmured in agreement. “You know those–what are they called?–those hyperbole words? You know what I’m talking about: always, usually…” “You mean frequency words?” one friend...

Area Man Asks Wife if She’s on Her Exclamation Point Again

9Mar

By jeff11 Comments

Local Man

Area Man Asks Wife if She’s on Her Exclamation Point Again

Local Dallas resident, Eric Naughtbright, was shocked by the punctuation-filled response he received after asking his wife of eight years if she was having her exclamation point again. They had only been married a short time but Eric thought he was making real strides in his ability to understand and communicate with the opposite sex, especially during monthly times of difficulty. Since he had learned very quickly what not to call it, he was taking a new approach. Needless to say, he's still in the learning stages. "I don't understand," Eric said. "I mean, why just have a boring old period when you can really make a statement? I thought it would be empowering." It wasn't. And after seeing the damage he had done, he did his best to salvage his relationship. And his life. ...

How to Make Yourself Feel Better if You’re Self-Published

7Mar

By jeff11 Comments

Society

How to Make Yourself Feel Better if You’re Self-Published

In case your only way to self-help has been self-medication, here are a few other ways to feel better about yourself if you are self-published: Burn everything you've ever written and don't ever mention your writing to anyone ever again. Ever. When telling people you're self-published, always mumble the word "self" and say the published part really loudly. And then go right into how you hate your editor and all the changes you have to endure. You won't be lying when you say this because people who are self-published are generally their own editors. Then walk away abruptly so they don't have a chance to ask you any other questions (this will help build your persona). Leave out the word "self" altogether. This also won't be a lie because you are published in some sens...

Doctors Recommending 3 Selfies a Day to Combat ‘Failed Existence Syndrome’

5Mar

By jeff21 Comments

Society

Doctors Recommending 3 Selfies a Day to Combat ‘Failed Existence Syndrome’

“A selfie can make you feel like you’re somebody” – Dr. Sal Phee Are you sad? All the time? Do you constantly wish you were someone else? Someone who is as happy as the people you see on TV? You might have a classic case of what doctors call “failed existence syndrome.” And although it’s true you will never be any of the extremely successful, popular, wealthy, beloved, beautiful, clean, fragrant, dentally perfect A-listers, you can still have a small piece of their eternal happiness. A very very very…very small piece. “A sliver of stardom is still stardom, is it not?” Dr. Sal Phee posed rhetorically. “Everyday people like you and me could never have all the happiness that celebrities possess. But if we can somehow mimic their lifestyle and actions in a small way then we can at least...

The Pope on Aaron Rodgers’ Season: “His Hail Mary’s were Full of Grace”

3Mar

By jeff15 Comments

Religion, Sports

The Pope on Aaron Rodgers’ Season: “His Hail Mary’s were Full of Grace”

Iron E-Sports News was given an exclusive interview with the 266th pope of the Roman Catholic Church, Pope Francis (or Jorge Mario Bergoglio to his mom) to get his take on the current state of the NFL as well as a few thoughts on last year's season. Pope Francis, a well respected sports gambler, said he had his money on Aaron Rodgers early on in the season. "Aaron is blessed," the Francis revealed. "He's the only one who consistently relies on the holy 'hail mary' pass. Other quarterbacks neglect it to their own detriment." "You may not know this, but I also always put a little money down for the Browns because God roots for the underdog." When asked about how God handles conflicting prayers from the various teams, Pope Francis had some surprising remarks: "God plays favorite...