Society

“A Historic” vs “An Historic”: A PBS Special
1Jan By jeff22 Comments
Society

“A Historic” vs “An Historic”: A PBS Special

In a(n) historic event hosted by your favorite public broadcasting service, two of the greatest grammarians of our time were at linguistic loggerheads for over 16 hours in an epic and heated philological face-off that we think is still going. And may never end. The debaters: Phyllis Whistlemaker - Though you may be able to deduce her family's professional origins based on simple etymology, you may not know that she was the author of such groundbreaking books as The History of the word History (and other words and their histories) and also Impersonal Pronouns: A Personal Narrative. Graham Hurnotzy - A legend in the grammar world, he is best known for reinvigorating the debate over whether or not brands (like Kleenex and Frisbee and Band-Aid) should also be used interchangeably as n...
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To Introverts ‘Social Distancing’ is just Called Life
22Mar By jeff36 Comments
Society

To Introverts ‘Social Distancing’ is just Called Life

Local introvert, Phil Koff, has a big grin pasted on the inside of his face whenever he hears someone remind him to keep a safe "social distance". "It's like reminding me to act normal," Mr. Koff said with a wry gleam in his eye. "It's like telling a duck to quack. It's like telling a cheetah to run really fast. 'Now, cheetie, don't forget to run as fast as you can when chasing that antelope. Apparently, all I have are animal metaphors." According to official health entities, "social distancing" is defined as the reduction of human social interaction in an effort to prevent the spread of infectious disease. Officials are encouraging everyone to practice this whenever possible. "You want us to crawl into a deep dark hermit hole and not talk to or see anyone for possibly months? No proble...
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I Drank Celery Juice for a Month and I didn’t Pee out My Butt Nearly as Much as I thought I would Have
5Mar By jeff31 Comments
Society

I Drank Celery Juice for a Month and I didn’t Pee out My Butt Nearly as Much as I thought I would Have

Celery juice, as Instagrammers know, is full of miraculous surprises. I, for one, was surprised at how many solids I had while on my month-long green juice fast. Other surprises along my incredible journey: *How many people read my article - even though it's like the 20th one covering the exact same thing. *How many near-death experiences I had (I didn't realize you were supposed to actually, you know, eat food too). Some bloggers have referred to one of the benefits of drinking celery juice as entering a state of "zen bliss"; well, take food out of your diet for a few weeks and you will reach a whole new level. *How many diseases it healed me of (one that I definitely had and countless other diseases I didn't even know about!). *How much green I went through - and I'm no...
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Man just Wishes We Could all Go Back to Eating Iceberg Lettuce Again
2Mar By jeff19 Comments
Society

Man just Wishes We Could all Go Back to Eating Iceberg Lettuce Again

Hugh Humphries went out to dinner with his family last night to a place they commonly frequent. He ordered a salad. Everything went downhill from there. "You know, I've finally gotten used to the fact that I have to eat salads for dinner now," Hugh offered morosely, "but does it have to be all weeds and grass? What happened to the days when you could go into a place, order a steak and baked potato, and know that your side salad was going to be mostly iceberg, cheese, and ranch dressing? I mean, can I have a little more insult with this injury, please?!" "Arugula, spinach, frisee, radicchio," Hugh said, becoming more agitated as he went on. "Mache, mizuna, purslane (what the **** is that?), speckled radicchio (yeah, cause normal radicchio isn't enough), Blushed Butter oak, Butter ...
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Local Dad Says Belly didn’t Just happen Over Night
24Feb By jeff23 Comments
Local Man

Local Dad Says Belly didn’t Just happen Over Night

Area father, Rich Stout, has been in the spotlight recently for something that he says he's been working on for a number of years: his impressive belly. According to him, there is a prevalent misconception that such a generous protrusion of cushion pushin' is something that is easy to attain. "This (holding his bowlful of jelly) took me years," Rich confessed. "But a lot of people don't get that - they think that a 'dad gut' is something that is just handed out to you when you become a father, which is crazy." Multiple studies have shown that 95% of dads across the country don't get the ideal belly until 7 to 10 years into their marriage. To note, the results were the same regardless of changes in demographic. "Diet is key," Mr. Stout continued. "You're not gonna get this kin...
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