Sci-Tech

iPhone 8 and Star Wars 8 Released the Same Year!–Coincidence? Probably
10Apr By jeff33 Comments
ENTMT, Sci-Tech

iPhone 8 and Star Wars 8 Released the Same Year!–Coincidence? Probably

iPhone 8 and Star Wars 8 - a "forced" connection? Yes. After extensive online research conducted by this news site and all its related partners and entities, we have officially concluded that there is no connection between the release of Apple's iPhone 8 and the upcoming film, Star Wars 8, other than the number 8. Regardless of the fact that the number eight is extremely auspicious in China, and regardless of the fact that they're both releasing new editions, and that those editions are the eighth one--after seven others--there is no evidence to support this claim. "The argument lacks any force," one fan noted.  "It's superficial and tenuous at best; and may just be a ploy to generate artificial traffic." Nevertheless, because we just added an intern, we contacted Apple Corporat...
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Multiverse Spotted by Scientists in the Pacific Northwest
28Mar By jeff23 Comments
Sci-Tech

Multiverse Spotted by Scientists in the Pacific Northwest

Real Multiverse or man in Multiverse costume? A small team of Washingtonian scientists claim to have definitive proof of a certain large, hairy beast that has escaped them for years: The Multiverse. A cloud of skepticism and doubt has surrounded the elusive creature for so long due to lack of any physical proof--after much searching--despite the sheer number of multiverses that would have to exist to maintain a breeding population. "I ain't never seen one of dem multiverses 'fore," said local hunter Ernie Gurney.  "I seen a Big Foot and I's dang well seen a UFO plenty times, but not dat." When asked why the multiverse only seemed to be spotted by groups of eager scientists out looking for it, the team had this to say: "It's plausible that many have seen evidence of one before but were...
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NASA Scientists Confirm World does Revolve around Kanye West
24Mar By Brian Ge29 Comments
Celebrities, Sci-Tech

NASA Scientists Confirm World does Revolve around Kanye West

On March 22, 2017, Doctor Thomas J. Eckleburg of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration was reviewing photographs of the sun--beamed back to Earth from the recently launched fARK space telescope--when he made an astonishing discovery. Staring back at him from each and every photograph with eyes of fierce golden flame was the burning visage of Kanye West. Just as Copernicus before him had once declared the Earth in revolution around a ball of fire known as the Sun, Dr. Eckleburg uncovered that for the 4.5 billion years the world has existed, it has really been centered around what many consider to be the most enlightened mind of human history. “You see, Kanye is often mistakenly believed to have been born in June 8, 1977, when in reality he was, is, and always shall be the ...
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Study: Oreo’s Gateway Snack to Harder Snacks
20Mar By jeff14 Comments
Sci-Tech

Study: Oreo’s Gateway Snack to Harder Snacks

Oreo's best when crunched up and snorted A study was published a while ago by scientists who are finally focusing on something we care about: the Oreo cookie. Their findings only confirmed what the public has felt down in their guts for some time–something which can best be summed up in the wise words of Mr. Stuart Mackenzie: “They put an addictive chemical in it that makes ya crave it fortnightly!” (should be read in a Scottish accent) Apparently, the ingredients found in the famous American cookie have the same effect on the brain as various addictive drugs such as cocaine and morphine, which explains why some rats were found in the corner putting the creamy center into gram-sized plastic baggies. As soon as the results were released, a statement was issued by the Food and Drug...
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Scientific Revolution Led by Band of Deluded Half-wits
12Mar By jeff17 Comments
Sci-Tech

Scientific Revolution Led by Band of Deluded Half-wits

Modern man, it seems, has been much too generous in his estimation of the supposed “fathers of science.”  Long held to be towering geniuses in multiple fields, recent historical documents have revealed our hidden suspicions: that religious men of the likes of Johannes Kepler, Galileo Galilei, Tycho Brahe, Renee Descartes and Francis Bacon (all contemporaries) were — to use the scientific term — idiot nutjobs. Apparently, they could barely string two sentences together. “God, God, science, God, God?” queried Kepler. “No, no.  God, science, Gody-god…God,” answered Bacon. This excerpt (under the chapter heading Dialogue Concerning Two Chief Loons), was found in the recently discovered diary of theologian and pseudo-scientist, Robert Boyle.  It illustrates the true mental state of a g...
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Research Shows Fingers all You Need to Type on Keyboard
4Mar By jeff8 Comments
Sci-Tech

Research Shows Fingers all You Need to Type on Keyboard

No brain necessary for even high-level tasks, study shows The Institute of Neurological Research, located in Berkeley California, released a shocking new report on human brain function and development yesterday. Though initially seeking to gain further understanding as to how homo sapiens are able to perform complex tasks at high levels of intelligences (or how our brains work), they unwittingly made a very shocking discovery. The report shows that the body has somehow learned to carry out moderately high-level tasks apart from any brain function whatsoever. In order to prove this, the team of researchers put a Yahoo! Breaking News editor into a light coma and then placed a keyboard in front of him. Here are the results: Adam Levine’s Wife Laughed--More on this Story Later Beyonce an...
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