Politics

Women Losing Interest in Equality with Men
5Jul By jeff21 Comments
Politics, Society

Women Losing Interest in Equality with Men

Self-respecting women all over the globe are giving up their struggle for equality with men, and are now fighting for something - anything - else. It seems that the newest addition to the Oval Office is the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. "We're okay with inequality now," said Republican Senator from Maine, Susan Collins, while watching a recent presidential address. "No, really, we don't mind. It's time we raise our standard anyway." Former first lady Barbara Bush had a similar, almost visceral, reaction: "If equality means being considered equivalent to that (holding up a picture of Trump) then we don't want it." "I agree," commented the former governor of New Jersey, Christine Todd Whitman.  "Equality is now an offensive term - from a mathematical point of view, we...
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America is all like ‘Er mah Gerd’ and Trump is all like ‘Troll-lol-lol’, According to Informed Youth
15May By jeff25 Comments
Politics

America is all like ‘Er mah Gerd’ and Trump is all like ‘Troll-lol-lol’, According to Informed Youth

Amanda Flerd, a 12 year old middle school student from Richmond, Virginia, recently gave a current events speech to her class, informing them of the latest political tensions in America while offering lucid analysis on its current state of affairs. The presentation was well-received by the class, who claimed they learned more in those two minutes than they had all year. "OMG guys, this almost gave me GHERSBERMPS!  So Trump totally trolled this FBI dude, Clowny, for trying to probe a Russian or something cuz YOLO.  Lulz.  And now America is all like 'ERMAHGERD!' about Trump but Trump is all like 'Troll-lol-lol' America cuz YOPO (you're only president once).  And THEN--get this--G Dubs and Laura were in town cuz, according to the media, this dude Spicer was trying to avoid everyone by ...
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Yuge Sinkhole Detected in D.C.
6Apr By jeff19 Comments
Politics

Yuge Sinkhole Detected in D.C.

Trump's mouth possible ground zero An all-points emergency bulletin has been issued by the Federal Emergency Management Agency, calling on all Washington D.C. area response teams to convene with urgency on 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Apparently, a yuge sinkhole has been detected in or around the White House residence. "We're closely monitoring the situation," said DC Fire and EMS Chief Gregory Dean.  "Not only that, but we're working in tandem with other departments to salvage whomever and whatever we can." According to FEMA, this is without doubt, one of the worst disasters in our nation's history. "Not only is it one of the worst (and we've had some bad ones)," reported acting director of FEMA, Robert Fenton Jr.  "it has become so in record time.  This is right up there with 2001, '69, a...
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Clinton on Pence Emails: “Amateur Hour”
6Mar By jeff16 Comments
Politics

Clinton on Pence Emails: “Amateur Hour”

Clinton: "A two-year old is better at hiding things" Hillary Rodham Clinton, former U.S. Secretary of State, responded strongly yesterday to revelations concerning current Vice President Mike Pence's use of emails during his time as Indiana Governor. Apparently, Pence used his personal email to conduct state business. "I can't believe the Vice President," Mrs. Clinton offered.  "You would think someone in his position would know better, especially after watching me for so long." Though VP Pence has been reluctant to clarify the nature of the emails, which Clinton has commended, a Pence official has confirmed that 13 boxes of emails have been delivered to the Indiana State House. "13!  Only 13!" Clinton cried in disbelief.  "He should have dumped no less than 1300 boxes so they...
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Trump Sets Personal Reading Record during Speech
3Mar By jeff11 Comments
Politics

Trump Sets Personal Reading Record during Speech

This week, during his speech to Congress, President Trump set a personal best for consecutive number of words read in one sitting. And just so the Times couldn't refute it, his speech (read from a teleprompter) was recorded for the world, for posterity, and for Trump--to watch and re-watch in between tweeting sessions with Congress. In addition to the reading record, he also set a record for number of near-presidential things to come from his mouth. "Trump is on fire," tweeted one supporter.  "This just proves that he is not the fashist dictator that the fake media says he is." "They just got Trumped!" read another tweet.  "Look at him all knowlegable and stuffs!" In honor of World Reading Day, the organization has noted the president's accomplishment on their website, outdo...
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