Mike Chase

"Dear Kim. Can I call you Kim? It's a girl's name. Can I still call you that? I'd like to call you that. My people have a problem. Great people. But people with problems. The problem? Fake News. CNN? Garbage. Fox News? More like low calorie salad dressing. The New York Times? Quilt it, scent it, and make it double-ply... I still wouldn't use it as toilet paper. Breitbart? Good people. Good, good people. I wanted to make Breitbart our exclusive news agency. It'd just be me and some guy in a room. He'd ask me questions about my golf handicap and my favorite color, and then we'd write the stories together. I love cooperating with the press. But my people balked at that. My own people. I ask for loyalty and all I get is "no." N-O. So I need a solution. And...

SEATTLE, WA–Pot brownies are so 20th century. Not since Pert combined shampoo and conditioner in one bottle has there been such a potent mixture: Yesterday, Frito-Lay announced the creation of a new line of marijuana munchies, including Reefer Packed Ruffles (with mystery-substance-laced ridges), Sea Salt and All Kinds of Jacked-Up Lays, Blackout the Sun Chips, Totally Toasted Tostitos, and Smokin’ High Marijuana Cheetos. Hahaha Dude This Crap is Hilarious Funyuns, and I’m Soooo Baked Right Now Baked Lays are still in the works. Armed with the slogan “Bet you can’t eat just one…or hold down a full-time job,” the new Reefer Division of Frito-Lay went to work last night in Seattle, Washington, recruiting a group of 200 volunteers from all walks of life eager to try their product. A...

Author: Mike Chase

Are You There Kim Jong Un? It’s Me, Donald

New “Smokin’ High” Cheetos Revolutionize the Munchies