Author: jeff

Has been a self-published author for almost twenty years now - these works have been awarded self-recognition and similar acclaim for almost just as long. On top of this, he has many, many unfinished but soon to be self-published works on the way. *Biographical info also included
“A Historic” vs “An Historic”: A PBS Special
1Jan By jeff22 Comments
Society

“A Historic” vs “An Historic”: A PBS Special

In a(n) historic event hosted by your favorite public broadcasting service, two of the greatest grammarians of our time were at linguistic loggerheads for over 16 hours in an epic and heated philological face-off that we think is still going. And may never end. The debaters: Phyllis Whistlemaker - Though you may be able to deduce her family's professional origins based on simple etymology, you may not know that she was the author of such groundbreaking books as The History of the word History (and other words and their histories) and also Impersonal Pronouns: A Personal Narrative. Graham Hurnotzy - A legend in the grammar world, he is best known for reinvigorating the debate over whether or not brands (like Kleenex and Frisbee and Band-Aid) should also be used interchangeably as n...
Read More
2 Trillion Dollar Bailout Leaves Everyone Thinking “They’ve Had 2 Trillion Dollars this Whole Time!”
27Mar By jeff33 Comments
U.S.

2 Trillion Dollar Bailout Leaves Everyone Thinking “They’ve Had 2 Trillion Dollars this Whole Time!”

On Wednesday the US Senate approved a historic (is it "a" historic or "an"? I can never remember) stimulus package that left everyone feeling quite positive after such a bipartisan and generous move. It also left everyone with questions: For example, where did the Senate get 2 TRILLION DOLLARS?! Is there a bank inside the Senate that we didn't know about? Is the Senate building made of gold and they're going to have to melt it down now to back the money? Do they have a secret vault like Scrooge McDuck and do they go spelunking in the gold coins from time to time? Are we going to have wait a while for them to print it all? Do they need to borrow my printer for the weekend? If they parted with 2 trillion, how much money do they actually have? No really, we're not mad, we're impressed....
Read More
To Introverts ‘Social Distancing’ is just Called Life
22Mar By jeff36 Comments
Society

To Introverts ‘Social Distancing’ is just Called Life

Local introvert, Phil Koff, has a big grin pasted on the inside of his face whenever he hears someone remind him to keep a safe "social distance". "It's like reminding me to act normal," Mr. Koff said with a wry gleam in his eye. "It's like telling a duck to quack. It's like telling a cheetah to run really fast. 'Now, cheetie, don't forget to run as fast as you can when chasing that antelope. Apparently, all I have are animal metaphors." According to official health entities, "social distancing" is defined as the reduction of human social interaction in an effort to prevent the spread of infectious disease. Officials are encouraging everyone to practice this whenever possible. "You want us to crawl into a deep dark hermit hole and not talk to or see anyone for possibly months? No proble...
Read More
Exclusive: Bernie Sanders Opens Up about his Time on the Muppets
8Mar By jeff31 Comments
Politics

Exclusive: Bernie Sanders Opens Up about his Time on the Muppets

Senator Bernie Sanders, who recently announced his bid for the 2020 presidential election, sat down to talk with us about an aspect of his life that his younger demographic of voters may not even know about. At the beginnings of what would eventually become a long, long political career, Sanders encountered a series of setbacks. In the early to mid-1970's, after settling down in Vermont, the Senator ran multiple unsuccessful third-party campaigns as an independent. Unsure of a future in politics, Sanders turned to a not so dissimilar career: comedy. "I was a man in crisis," Senator Sanders revealed. "So I did what a lot of us do - I got a job with The Muppets. To be more specific, The Muppet Show. But to be honest, I wasn't even looking for it." According to Jim Henson's son,...
Read More
I Drank Celery Juice for a Month and I didn’t Pee out My Butt Nearly as Much as I thought I would Have
5Mar By jeff31 Comments
Society

I Drank Celery Juice for a Month and I didn’t Pee out My Butt Nearly as Much as I thought I would Have

Celery juice, as Instagrammers know, is full of miraculous surprises. I, for one, was surprised at how many solids I had while on my month-long green juice fast. Other surprises along my incredible journey: *How many people read my article - even though it's like the 20th one covering the exact same thing. *How many near-death experiences I had (I didn't realize you were supposed to actually, you know, eat food too). Some bloggers have referred to one of the benefits of drinking celery juice as entering a state of "zen bliss"; well, take food out of your diet for a few weeks and you will reach a whole new level. *How many diseases it healed me of (one that I definitely had and countless other diseases I didn't even know about!). *How much green I went through - and I'm no...
Read More