Author: jeff

Has been a self-published author for almost twenty years now - these works have been awarded self-recognition and similar acclaim for almost just as long. On top of this, he has many, many unfinished but soon to be self-published works on the way. *Biographical info also included
World Cup Hemorrhaging Fans Because they have to Use Math
24Jun By jeff13 Comments
Sports

World Cup Hemorrhaging Fans Because they have to Use Math

Every four years, the World Cup fan base gets smaller and smaller.  The reason: mathematics. FIFA estimates that millions of fans from various countries and demographics, most of which carry degrees in the humanities, have completely given up on following their national team because it’s hurting their brain. Working out what each team needs to accomplish in order to make one of the top two slots in their group requires more than what many fans have bargained for: basic algebra skills and the ability to foresee and compute countless scenarios. Basically, too much. If you follow a team like Germany or the Netherlands–who will win all or most of their group stage games–you have little to worry about and can have a relaxing, enjoyable World Cup experience.  If you’re a fan of a tea...
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New Transformers Movie an Intellectual Orgasm
21Jun By jeff15 Comments
ENTMT

New Transformers Movie an Intellectual Orgasm

New Transformers movie an esoteric vision The early reviews are in, and the fortieth installment of Michael Bay’s epic science fiction saga, Transformers: Age of Extinction, is quickly being hailed as the War and Peace of the silver screen. “Age of Extinction,” writes Desson Howe of the Washington Post, ”plays itself with such contrapuntal richness, it resonates in you forever. Set in an unknown time and space, this extraterrestrial saga of will, destiny and passion--starring Mark Wahlberg (formerly Marky Mark of the Funky Bunch)--is an extraordinary symphony of sound and silence, of lilting pleasure and tangled horror.” “It’s a genuinely epic ciné-poem that deals with flying, transforming robots as an absolute, inevitable and eternal facet of existence,” raves Geoff Andrew of Time ...
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Al Gore’s Carbon Footprint Now Visible from Space
21Jun By jeff5 Comments
Sci-Tech, World

Al Gore’s Carbon Footprint Now Visible from Space

Spectacular new images of Earth were released by NASA yesterday detailing various aspects of our magnificent blue and green marble. One photo in particular stood out above the rest: a crystal clear shot of billions of carbon molecules in the form of a giant footprint covering most of North America. Scientists would have been completely in the dark as to the owner of the footprint if not for the letters “GORE” on the bottom of the foot. Apparently, what started out as a tiny dot not worth mentioning has turned into one of the greatest marvels in all of human history. And, according to scientists monitoring this man-made phenomena affecting our ozone, Mr. Gore deserves all of the credit. “It’s amazing really,” said one climatologist. “Not only has he eloquently explained to us wh...
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Iranian Judge Orders KimYe to Never Ever be in the News Again
28May By jeff15 Comments
World

Iranian Judge Orders KimYe to Never Ever be in the News Again

Kimye news reaches tipping point for judge Following the logical summons of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg over privacy violations, a high court in southern Iran has issued its second demand in as many days: that the man who calls himself “Yeezus” and his former “internet star” turned bride, Kim Kardashian, shall never ever ever appear before his eyes while he’s watching his nightly news in his nightly jammies (or at any other time for that matter). This isn’t the first time this judge has flexed his judicial powers.  Over the years, his excellency has summoned Batman (of course), The Rolling Stones (because he couldn’t get the radio to work), and Chuck Norris (which he deeply regretted). The judge wasn’t available for comment but Sherif Hassananan, an official with the paramilitary B...
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Bench Clearing Brawl Turns into Major Tickle Fight
15May By jeff10 Comments
Sports

Bench Clearing Brawl Turns into Major Tickle Fight

The Tampa Bay Rays played the Seattle Mariners yesterday and, at one point in the game, things got ugly. Then they got awkward. In the fourth inning, with one man on and two out, the Rays pitcher, David Price, faced Corey Hart.  Earlier in the game, Price had already brushed Hart off the plate and it didn't look like he was going to go easy on him this time around either. The two benches, sensing something was up, stood to their feet in anticipation. And sure enough, on the next pitch, Price beamed Hart right in the shoulder as Hart turned to avoid the incoming ball. Before you could say, The Cubs will never win the World Series in a million lifetimes because they are still under a curse that the baseball gods in all their infinite baseball wisdom have yet to lift, the two benches wer...
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For Russia, Obama Substitutes Mean ‘Red Line’ for Fun Squiggly Doodle
17Apr By jeff20 Comments
Politics

For Russia, Obama Substitutes Mean ‘Red Line’ for Fun Squiggly Doodle

As Ukraine sits on the brink of a full-scale international conflict and Putin debates over whether or not to make Kiev Russia’s new capital, President Obama has decided to defuse tensions by changing those old and prickly ultimatums with softer, less judgmental suggestions. In a symbolic gesture hearkening back to the famous ‘red line’ drawn before the darkest hours of the Syrian conflict, the President sent the Russian powers a picture of a multicolored, squiggly thing, representing his new, fun approach to these tense situations. “I see now where I went wrong with the Syrian debacle,” Obama offered at a press conference.  “Red lines are so harsh and final–there’s no room to maneuver and no going back (usually).  This meandering doodle, however, even though it technically still has ...
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