Author: jeff

Has been a self-published author for almost twenty years now - these works have been awarded self-recognition and similar acclaim for almost just as long. On top of this, he has many, many unfinished but soon to be self-published works on the way. *Biographical info also included
More and More Extroverts Admitting they have a Problem
11Feb By jeff19 Comments
Society

More and More Extroverts Admitting they have a Problem

The science is in: Extroversion is a social disorder. To be more specific, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders now lists extraversion as ‘Social Annoyance Disorder’, which affects 1 out of 3 seemingly healthy adults in some way. The American Psychiatric Association (all introverts by the way), in tandem with the World Health Organization, published a detailed report chronicling the systematic harassment and general social abuse of introverts by extroverts, concluding that the excessive need or desire to sap the emotional energy of others was really a sort of social vampirism which was, at the least, bothersome, and at worst, dangerous to society. “Extroverts just need a big, wet existential blanket thrown over their faces every day,” one doctor recommended.  “Which...
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American Tourist in Italy Visits the Sixteenth Chapel
11Feb By jeff17 Comments
U.S.

American Tourist in Italy Visits the Sixteenth Chapel

American tourist and college grad, Richard Head, recently decided it was time to get some culture in his life. Or, in his words, 16th century porn. After “learning” about the paintings that ornamented the lavish walls of the Vatican’s famous “Sixteenth Chapel”, he logically assumed that this was how all Italians lived and dressed, and so, of course, he wanted to see it for himself. However, he hesitated for a brief moment because he thought it a bit strange that so much nudity would be found in chapels of all places.  But he didn’t hesitate for long because so much culture awaited. Upon arriving in the Fiumicino airport, he hurriedly made his way through the tarmac and into the waiting area, fully expecting a cornucopia of lounging flesh similar to what one might find on Mount Olympus....
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Scientists: “Newton and Galileo were Psychotic”–Massive Textbook Recall Foreseen
9Feb By jeff41 Comments
Sci-Tech

Scientists: “Newton and Galileo were Psychotic”–Massive Textbook Recall Foreseen

A group of 142 leading scientists and psychiatrists have published an open letter to the world, revealing their conclusions on scientists of years’ past—most notably Isaac Newton and Galileo Galilei. The contributors, almost all of them members of the National Academy of Sciences or The Royal Society, wrote the letter “in the defense of reason”—to deal with the troubling implications of such men and women devoted to science and equally devoted to the notion of a Creator. “After much deliberation,” the letter begins, “and in the spirit of the age, we feel it necessary to reevaluate our view of “scientists” such as Isaac Newton, Max Planck, (probably Einstein), Galileo, Sir Francis Bacon, Copernicus, etc. etc. Furthermore, we feel intellectually compelled to call men and women who hold ont...
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In the News
9Feb By jeff17 Comments
About

In the News

Though satisfied with the glow of our mother's approval, Iron E-News also enjoys other notable notes: Since 2012, we have been proud members of HumorFeed--a selective satire newsfeed.  In July of 2014, we held a successful spoof news writing competition with ReadWave. From time to time, our headlines have been picked up in the E-edition of the Orlando Sentinel's humor section, The Needle.  And, last but not least, since early 2013 we have been a regular feature in the print and online publications of Humor Times.  *The years 2015 and 2016 were dark and stormy.
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Car Horns Swapped for Human Voices to Minimize Confusion
9Feb By jeff22 Comments
World

Car Horns Swapped for Human Voices to Minimize Confusion

Cars a lot less horny now, say manufacturers Major car manufacturers announced a change that’s been in the works for some time now—car horns will finally communicate like the rest of the world. This change came as a result of a horribly awkward situation involving a young man who mistakenly waved to a driver after hearing a short, light tap on the horn. Because this staccato-style single tap (at times substituted for the double tap) is used interchangeably for a variety of circumstances—from saying hi to warning someone—this poor youth could hardly be faulted for turning around cheerily and offering a warm ‘how do you do’. The motorist, however, took his kindness for sarcasm and proceeded to lay on his horn while adding one more bird to the fresh spring air. “It’s about time t...
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Contact
8Feb By jeff8 Comments
Submit

Contact

  Iron E-News is an equal opportunity roaster--we do not discriminate based on politics, gender, or pant-size. If you would like to contribute to Iron E-News, contact the editor at jawannabwitsu@gmail.com and, after reviewing your article, we will get back to you if there's money in it for us. We do not take reposts or consider work being submitted elsewhere.
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