Author: jeff

Has been a self-published author for almost twenty years now - these works have been awarded self-recognition and similar acclaim for almost just as long. On top of this, he has many, many unfinished but soon to be self-published works on the way. *Biographical info also included
COVID Graph Takes Top Prize at Graph Awards
4May By jeff42 Comments
Sci-Tech

COVID Graph Takes Top Prize at Graph Awards

The city of Shanghai was reeling yesterday upon hearing the news that it had taken the ultimate prize in science and mathematics: an International Graph Award. The reaction was immediate. And electric. People flung open their windows, shouting at the top of their lungs in wild jubilation; they hung gigantic banners and flags of 'graph' across millions of apartments throughout the merry metropolis. Children wore graph-adorned t-shirts and women flashed their graph bling all to show support and celebrate a much needed win for the city. Chants of 'Graph! Graph! Graph!' could be heard for miles and miles. "I just can't believe it," said one local resident through her tears, "We've wanted this for so long, and for it to happen this year (of all years), it's just too good to be true...
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The Obligatory Star Wars Traffic Boosting Article
4May By jeff36 Comments
ENTMT

The Obligatory Star Wars Traffic Boosting Article

The Last Jedi Star Wars stuff and a little Skywalker too.  Some Han Solo, Sand Peeps, and tiny Ewoks totally.  Very, very lightsabery battle with a hint of dark side, splash of force, stirred in a Tatooine Vadershake. Yeah, my Star Wars brings all the Lukes to the yard. By my death star, fat Jabba Jabba no talkie talkie to a thousand Jedi masters. Kick back to the jet black double Maul high five to my Jedi blaster…he's a wicked tricky tricksta, yeah the prickly, sickly pimpstah:  Yo-duh. Rogue One Star Wars stuff and a little Lukey Luke too.  Some Han Solo, Sand Peeps, and tiny Ewoks maybe.  Very, very lightsabery battle with a hint of dark side, splash of force, stirred in a Tatooine Vadershake. Yeah, my Star Wars brings all the Wookies to the yard. B...
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Traditional Chinese Medicine very Effective with Asymptomatic Cases, Study Shows
10Apr By jeff36 Comments
China

Traditional Chinese Medicine very Effective with Asymptomatic Cases, Study Shows

A new study released by the World Health Organization has shown that Traditional Chinese Medicine is effective against all strains of asymptomatic COVID. In fact, its efficacy has been proven against most, if not all, asymptomatic diseases and viruses worldwide. "It is the most powerful medicine in the world at battling non-symptoms," said current WHO director, Tedros Ghebreyesus. "It is extremely efficacious. And I say that not just because efficacious is a great word to say, but because it's true." The recent findings on TCM by the WHO (not the band) represent a logical, progressive shift in thinking and policy from years past, and that these findings were found to be much better than findings previously found. Shijiazhuang Yiling Pharmaceutical, the maker of Lianhua Qingwen, has said...
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LinkedIn Tips on How to not Suck at your Job
3Apr By jeff24 Comments
Internets

LinkedIn Tips on How to not Suck at your Job

Tip #1: Join LinkedIn. Duh. This is probably the most important path to success at your workplace and, we would argue, in your entire life - much more important than working hard, being reliable, etc. Tip #2: Smile a lot. Smiling creates a good impression and is always appropriate, especially when you don't know what you're doing. If you're that person who is generally thought of as incompetent or lazy, smiling will make up for it. Tip #3: Hide everything with good body language. If you're in an interview, and they're asking about certain "glossy" parts of your resume, remain calm, put your hand to your chin, and then, while squinting just a bit, respond with a few steady, pensive head nods. In your mind, whisper "nailed it" over and over. They will be so impressed by your confident ...
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Silver Lining Burns Local Man’s Retina
30Mar By jeff31 Comments
Local Man

Silver Lining Burns Local Man’s Retina

Area resident, Luke Forthings, went home from the hospital today with what doctors described as blindness. "Yeah, he can't see anymore," Dr. Richard Terdson said. In more technical terms, it seems that Luke has suffered permanent damage from extreme solar retinopathy after taking part in a local hunt for sliver linings. Apparently, he and his book club regularly go out on partly cloudy days and spend hours and hours just looking up at the sun. "Oh it's the best!" exclaimed internet influencer, Apple, who was with Luke earlier at the hospital. "We're reading a new book called If You Don't See a Silver Lining then You're Dumb by Sarah Noyeen and it has lit-er-a-lly changed our lives! I guess it's probably changed Luke's the most now. So jelly." "Hm. Well, the UV light from the su...
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Realistic New Year’s Resolutions for 2021
4Jan By jeff20 Comments
Local Man

Realistic New Year’s Resolutions for 2021

I resolve to exercise more. #assumethebest I resolve to manage my expectations. #preparefortheworst I resolve to disappoint people less. I will start by keeping my resolutions to myself. #reputationmatters They say sleeping more is better for you. I resolve to find out how much more. #sciencematters I resolve to eat healthier. I plan to go to McDonald's every other day instead of every day. #imayhavecoloncancer I resolve to maintain higher standards of excellence in my life. I will start by buying higher quality bourbon. #blessed I resolve to value quantity where quality is concerned. In other words, I will start buying a higher quantity of high quality bourbon. #noshelflife I resolve to stop procrastinating. I have already taken care of resolutions six and seven while writing this....
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